Speaking Skills for Women

In May we offered a public seminar for women to empower them in the way they present themselves. Today we successfully brought the program in-house to a new corporate client. Why a program for women? Generally speaking, women tend to take fewer risks, are perfectionists compared to men, speak more tentatively, and exhibit some unique behaviors that can undermine their credibility.

Speaking Skills for Women addresses fear and blasting through false beliefs, understanding the look, sound, and language of confidence and how to project authority and confidence. As a guest speaker, I've spoken about Creating Confidence: Ten Ways Women Sabotage Their Communication in the Workplace. Audience members told me that they learned practical tips that they could use immediately.

Speaking is a critical success skill and I believe everybody can be successful once they have self awareness and start to wear the uniform of confidence.

What Sarah Palin Can Teach Politicians

Sarah Palin shocked her constituents today as she gave an unexpected resignation speech. She didn't read a teleprompter. She didn't have a script. What she did do was speak from her heart. Whether you love her or hate her, the woman knows how to connect with an audience. She began by talking about her love for the people and state of Alaska. Her passion was genuine. She sustained eye contact as she spoke of both her accomplishments and challenges. Her language was straightforward and her message was clear as she shared her proud moments and her pain. There was no hesitation-just conviction. While some believe her premature resignation is career suicide, few doubt her ability to draw future crowds with her speaking ability. People find her candor and direct, folksy style a refreshing contrast to overly packaged politicians. The pen may be mightier than the sword but authenticity is the new competitive weapon.

To Touch Or Not To Touch

What do we communicate through touch?

Haptics is the study of contact cues. How frequently we touch, the intensity of the touch, the type of touch and who we touch, sends a distinct message.
With communication being 93% non-verbal, touching can speak volumes in the way we present ourselves.

In business presentations, the first haptic message is the handshake. Is the handshake a tight grip or a weak contact? Do you shake quickly and withdraw, is it a full handshake, or do you hold on longer than you should? The first example communicates nervousness or resistance, the second example is appropriate, the third example may be construed as sexual. If you grip and turn the hand over, you're trying to show dominance.

Where you touch is important. The safe zone is from the hand to the elbow.
A pat on the back between co-workers shows friendliness. A pat on the head is condescending.

How often you touch can reveal the nature of the relationship. Frequent touching indicates intimacy. It could also reveal aggression if it's finger poking or pushing.

Who you touch can signal hierarchy. The CEO might put a hand on a subordinate's shoulder but the subordinate would not touch the CEO.

People who are "touchy feely" may be perceived as warm and approachable or they may be seen as intrusive if the recipient is a person who doesn't like to be touched.

Realize that touching is communication. And like all presentations the type and frequency of your touch depends on your audience.

The Persuasive Power of Words.

You may have heard the communication study that cites words as only 7% of the message.Well, that doesn't mean your words aren't powerful. A good speaker uses words to create pictures, evoke feelings, and persuade an audience.Think about it.
You don't persuade your listeners by pantomiming a message unless you're playing charades. An audience is influenced by your words. In direct mail marketing there are certain words that will increase the response rate. Words such as free, gain, results, money, guarantee are well known "selling words."

But now there is a single word that has been identified as so persuasive that when you use this word you will gain a 50% increase in the agreement to the requests you make of others.

According to the book, Yes!: 50 Scientifically Proven Ways to Be Persuasive by Noah J. Goldstein, Steve J. Martin, and Robert B. Cialdini, that single word is....because.

In experiments of people asking to cut ahead of others in line, the person would say "Would you mind if I get in front of you because...."
In most cases people would comply with the request. Even with flimsy excuses such as "because I have to make copies," people honored the request. Following the word because is a reason.
So whether you're speaking one-to-one, to a large group, or to the media, don't just ask for what you want-give a reason and use the word because.

Be a persuasive communicator. Call 212 481-8484 x312.

7.5 Million Americans Have Trouble Using Their Voices.

For immediate release DiResta presents at The Voice Foundation

Philadelphia, PA (Jun 7, 2009) — Diane DiResta, a licensed Speech Pathologist and author of Knockout Presentations, spoke at The Voice Foundation, the 38th annual scientific symposium on the voice. The conference attracts International otolaryngologists, speech scientists, vocal coaches, and speech pathologists who want to learn about the physiology and care of the professional voice.

Click here to read the full press release.

Want Funding? Practice Your Elevator Speech

I've seen it time and time again. You're at a networking meeting. People introduce themselves. You turn to your partner and say, "I still don't understand what he does."
If you can't describe what you do and the value you provide, you'll forfeit funding, business partners, and new clients.

In a study by the University of Maryland's business school, they concluded that the business plan will not do much for attracting interest from venture capitalists. The reason is that they won't read all that documentation.
One venture capitalist said he'd rather hear the evidence in PowerPoint slides or in somebody's presentation.

Investors don't want to read a 50 page plan. They will read an "elevator pitch" executive summary. If that's well developed and well delivered they'll continue to read.

Mr. Goldfarb, from the University of Maryland business school, agreed that entrepreneurs should write a "150 word elevator pitch and to practice with anybody who will listen.

When I work with business clients, the first thing we do is to set a clear objective.
For example, is the outcome to be invited to a second stage meeting?
The second step is to profile the audience.
The third step is to write a clear elevator pitch or summary of the presentation.

Only after that elevator speech is clear, concise, and focused, can we begin to pare down the presentation and deliver a compelling case.

Smiling: An Asset or Liability?

A smile can be your greatest asset or a liability-especially if you're a woman. Flashing those pearlie whites can dazzle an audience. Think Julia Roberts. Her smile lights up her face and has become her signature.

Too often speakers mistakenly believe that to be professional you must be serious. Actually, the opposite is true. It takes confidence to smile and show expression. If you're too serious you'll appear nervous. In fact, the absence of a smile can be downright intimidating. One executive I coached was perceived as aggressive and arrogant.. Why? Because he showed no facial expression. He listened with a deadpan expression. It was chilling. We had to teach him to show teeth. When he started to smile he was able to connect with people. Smiling warms up the audience making you more approachable.

But smiling can also be a liability. Grinning like a Cheshire cat or plastering a non-stop smile on your face smacks of insincerity. When smiling is genuine you can see it in the eyes. Smiling too often can be more detrimental for women than for men. Women need to strike a balance between a serious expression and a smile. Excessive smiling can be perceived as subservient, people pleasing, or lacking confidence. Smiling is also situational. It's inappropriate, for example, to smile when announcing layoffs. Trying to break the tension with humor can backfire in that situation. Maintain a serious demeanor to demonstrate empathy and respect for the employees.
So to show you mean business-get serious. To connect and engage your audience- smile. When you smile and look somebody in the eye you acknowledge their presence. A smile says, "I see you. You're important. I care.". Your smile is your gift.

The Healing Power of Words

During my last Science of Mind class we had to give yet another presentation from the podium. One of my classmates approached the platform and before he began he said,
"I really need the support of everybody here." He disclosed that this would be difficult for him.

As I watched him, he appeared confident and knowledgeable. When he returned to his seat I said, "What are you talking about? You were great. I didn't see any evidence of nervousness. You have nothing to worry about." He grabbed my hand and I could feel it was sweaty.
He shared that my words meant so much to him, especially because I was a speech coach.
He said my words gave him confidence.

My intention wasn't to deliberately boost his confidence with words of encouragement. I was honestly flabbergasted that he felt this way since we had been giving class presentations last year. The only sign of nervousness was his sweaty palm. My advice?
Don't shake hands immediately after the presentation. (Just joking).

It made me realize once again the power of our words to change lives. Words can elevate people's spirits, infuse them with confidence, bathe them in love. In these times of transition you may not have money to pay somebody's mortgage or be able to give someone a job. But you have a gift that is more powerful than anything tangible-your words. Your words can heal.

You can change a life today. Give the gift of your words.

The Voice of Authority: Preserving Your Speaking Voice

Whether it’s the rich, resonant tones of Richard Burton, the breathiness of Marilyn Monroe, or the nasality of Fran Drescher, the sound of the voice conjures up an image, an impression, and can influence perception. Communication studies indicate that the voice is 38% of the message.
Effective CEOs know how to use the voice for effect but don’t always use the voice effectively.

If you do a lot of speaking , one of the bigger problems is laryngopharyngeal reflux, an inflammation near the back part of the larynx due to acid rising to that point. Thirty-five million people in the U.S. have acid reflux. Reflux is most common because executive speakers are on the go, stressed and may have poor diets.

The big five symptoms are:
• Vocal fatigue
• Lack of Projection
• Hoarseness as the day wears on
• Throat clearing
• Increased phlegm in the throat

To preserve the voice, don’t talk over noise or constantly clear your throat.

Another common voice problem is vocal paresis, a weakness in one or both vocal muscles manifesting in breathiness or fatigue. Vocal paresis can be caused by a flu or viral infection.
Even a monotone may be an indicator of a minor defect or partial paralysis. And also, speakers who have difficulty projecting could have some vocal fold asymmetry.

When hoarseness is the problem, first determine that there is no hemorrhage. Then start a process of hydration and steam. For frequent travelers, a dry hotel room can be harmful to the voice.

Avoid alcohol, chocolate, and caffeine before a speech. They dehydrate the mucous membranes.
To keep the voice in top shape, drink eight glasses of water a day, avoid dairy products, and eat a balance of protein and carbohydrates. Practice “safe speaking

Does Your Audience Choose A Blackberry or You?

Speakers continually complain that their audiences are always checking their blackberries instead of listening. It's a constant challenge.
They can take a lesson from a flight attendant named Holly.

On a crowded Continental Express flight to Chicago, before the attendant began her announcement she asked people to remove their coats
from the overhead compartment to make room for baggage. She explained that smaller bags and coats must go under the seat. This was an FCC regulation for our safety to enable us to easily evacuate.

Then she began her presentation. I continued reading. I already knew the drill. She said,"Okay. Holly's Rules."
That was different. I was curious and looked up. She followed with "I'm going to show you how to walk, talk, and breathe."
Now she really had my attention. Holly told us to expect a bumpy ride and not to hold on to the back of the seats when walking. "That will only cause people to wake up," she joked.
She demonstrated how to hold on to the edge of the overhead panels when walking down the aisle. "Well, that takes care of walking and talking.
Now how do you breathe?" Holly told us that if the oxygen cups descended we would know if oxygen was flowing by noticing little beads in the clear air tubes. Pulling on the tube would activate it. In all my years of flying I never heard that. I actually learned somethng new. She wanted us to be informed because her oxygen mask didn't reach far and she wouldn't be able to get to everybody in an emergency.
Everyone was now paying attention and fully engaged!

Finally she asked if anybody read the instructions about electronic devices. She confideded that she doesn't read them either and that's why they make announcments.
She listed the devices that could be used. Restricted devices were anything that required an electonic signal. She said that if you tried to use a blackberry it would constantly look for a signal and this would drain the battery. I didn't know that either.

One last thing. She asked the passengers if she should make one pot or two pots of coffee. We voted. Then she confided that she was shy and didn't like making
presentations.
At the end of her presentation the passengers applauded. One person remarked, "That was the best presentation I've heard."

Why do most people tune out during take-off? Because most flight attendants are reading or reciting data. Like so many boring presenters, they are just talking heads.

So what did Holly teach us about speaking?

She began by establishing rapport.
She didn't speak to one person; she spoke to the group about storing bags under the seat. (Teachable moment)
She grabbed attention by saying something unexpected. (Holly's rules)
She provided an agenda of her presentation. (Walk, talk, and breathe).
She managed our expectations. (It's going to be a bumpy ride).
She personalized the messsage.
She modeled behavior. (Demonstrated how to walk during turbulence).
She always offered a rationale after making a request. (FCC regulation to help you evacuate).
She used humor.
She provided new information. (Look for the beads in the air tube).
She was clear, simple, and brief.
She used self-disclosure. (I don't like giving presentations).
She engaged the audience. (One pot or two?).

Holly"s presentation set a lighter, pleasant tone for the trip.

Lesson learned:
If you want your audience to focus on you instead of a blackberry, be compelling.

Are You Present or Just Presenting?

On Saturday my dear cat, Blackie passed away. We had him for 11 years and he was the perfect cat. I received some comfort from friends who called and sent emails.
One person called and offered to leave her cell phone on while she was away. I called and called but the phone would not accept a voicemail. When she returned on Sunday, she discovered that the phone wasn't charged. She apologized and said she called to check in to see how I was doing. Obviously, her intention was positive. While she was talking I heard loud banging that was hurting my ear. I asked if she was doing the dishes. She said she was emptying grocery bags and putting the items on the table.
When I complained about the noise she said, "You'll get over it."
I certainly did-I ended the call.
Obviously she wasn't ready to talk. She wasn't present. While her intention was to call to see how I was doing (caring) the result was that I felt disrespected and not important.
I felt that I was an obligation and something to check off her "to do" list.

The real message in a communication is NOT your intent. The true message is the result.

How often do presenters memorize a page of words and spew them at us like spitballs hoping that they hit our minds? To be an effective communicator, we must be present. If we're thinking of our next line, we're not present with the audience.
If we're dropping a string of "ums" and "ahs" we're not present. To be truly present is to be with the person. To be present means to connect by really looking at people.
To be present is to share and hold the silence with them.

Your audience may be one or one thousand. It doesn't matter. The present we give our audience is our presence.

Where's It At?

A reader of my articles sent me an email. It read:

Dear Ms. DiResta:

I recently read your article "Six Sloppy Speech Habits". I would like to add a seventh: Ending sentences with the word "at."

It is cringe-worthy how many people put that particular preposition at the end of sentences these days, as in, "I don't know where my notebook is at." And, "Let's get back to our lesson. Where were we at?"

It sounds so sloppy and unprofessional and just plain ignorant.

I would love to hear your comments on this.

Dear Reader:

Thank you for reading my article and for your contribution. I agree with you. This would fall into the category of grammatical errors.

You should not end a sentence with a preposition. It's more appropriate to say "I don't know where I put my notebook." A better alternative to "Where were we at?" is to say "Where were we?"
When it comes to language, usage is 90% of the law. In other words, when expressions are used frequently they become part of the vernacular. But ending a sentence with the word "at" is not considered grammatically correct.

Successful people have a command of the language. Sloppy speech habits can cost you a job interview or promotion. It's definitely not effective in any business presentation.

To read the article click here:
http://www.diresta.com/public-speaking-articles/article-six-sloppy-speech.html

Let us know what you think about sloppy speech habits in the work place.

Are You the Right Leader?

Many of my clients hire me to help them with their "Executive Presence."
To be effective, you need to look and sound like a leader. But there is another area of business leadership. It's about the right fit.
When I did outplacement work in the 1990s, I discovered that most people were in the wrong jobs.
They had the right skill set and were the right candidate on paper. So why didn't they succeed?

Nat Stoddard and Claire Wycoff, authors of The Right Leader, know the answer. After years of working with C-level executives, Nat discovered that 40% of those executives would leave their jobs in 18 months. Yet, they were intelligent, skilled, experienced, likable, talented people. This statistic was true whether candidates were hired internally or externally. They realized that character and cultural fit were as important as skills and experience.

As a result, the Match Fit model was developed. The model, which is described in the book, serves as an assessment tool to increase the success of newly hired executives.
Finally, companies and leaders can save themselves frustration, embarrassment and costs due to low retention.

To learn more visit:

http://www.amazon.com/Right-Leader-Selecting-Executives-Who/dp/0470344504/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s;=books&qid;=1237294490&sr;=8-3

Do Looks Matter?

We saw the contrast in the presidential election between the youthful,energetic Obama and the older McCain. Did looks make an impact in the election? Researchers in Switzerland would probably say yes. They found that voters may be heavily influenced by physical appearance even at an early age. They showed adults photos of two unknown candidates and asked them to choose the candidate they preferred. Seventy per cent of the time they selected the winning candidate. The results were duplicated when kids were choosing the candidates. They concluded that voting decisions are not made on the issues but more frequently on appearance. While it's possible to change one's mind after hearing the issues, first impressions have staying power.
So what about leadership? Job candidates? John Lennon once sang, "Got to be good lookin' cause it's so hard to see..." If it's advantageous to have good looks, it behooves leaders, candidates, job seekers and anybody trying to influence others, to be as attractive as possible. There's a reason image consultants have a thriving business.

How Are the Pyramids Like Public Speaking?

In January I was invited to work in Cairo, Egypt. It was an amazing experience. The Egyptians pride themselves on their hospitality. In the perfume shop I was invited to have tea as I sampled the array of essential oils. When I worked with my clients, we began each coaching session with a one hour breakfast in the hotel to "break the ice." It was evident that relationship building is as important as acquiring new skills. They were very open to learning the American way of communicating and valued our presentation approach.
On my day off, I hired a guide and headed off to see the pyramids and the sphynx. I was struck by their majesty and wondered how they could still be standing after 4,500 years. It made me realize that the key to their longevity is their solid, well built structure. A single stone weighing tons, fit perfectly into the groove of another stone.
And that's a lesson for public speaking. The delivery is only as good as the structure. Each point must fit or flow into the next idea. A presentation won't be effective without a solid structure. I've worked with clients for one to two hours just on organizing and building a framework from which their ideas can flow.
Good structure and design will enable you to be clear, get to the point more quickly and stay on message. When your speech has a strong structure, your presentation will stand the test of time. Just like the pyramids.

Does Caroline Kennedy Really Want to Be Senator?

In a interview Caroline Kennedy made the following statement "You know, I think, really, um, this is sort of a unique moment both in our, you know, in our country's history and in, you know, my own life, and, um, you know, we are facing you know, unbelievable challenges"

What was the message? She sounded tentative, nervous, and lacking conviction. The hesitancy becomes the message. It raises doubt as to whether she really wants to be a senator. When people feel strongly about something, it is evident in their language. They use fewer ums, stronger word choice, and a passionate tone.
After hearing her interview, the public questioned her ability to lead.

Let's make the message stronger:

"This is a unique moment and we face unbelievable challenges."

The first message got lost in the delivery. The second version is clear, strong, and memorable.
When you pepper your conversation with numerous non-words or fillers you dilute the message and weaken your leadership.

I've coached many intelligent, competent people whose leadership was challenged because of their verbal presentation.
Everyone uses one or two /ums/. But when it's excessive the speaker loses credibility and the audience stops listening.
One executive used 108 /ums/ during his presentation to shareholders. After coaching he reduced the number of non-words to eight.

Don't make people walk through the weeds to find the kernel of your message.