Many people come to me because of fear. They avoid speaking and at a certain point they know they can’t hide. If your voice isn’t heard, you become invisible. So why are they nervous and afraid? The reasons are many. But they all have one thing in common.They engage in stinkin’ thinkin’. We all do.
Think of what you say to yourself. I’m not good at math.” “I’m such a klutz.” “I’m not creative.”
Every time you say something negative about yourself you plant a seed of doubt that continues to grow. And then you experience your worst nightmare.
To remove the negative self talk find a new frame. Reframing is a powerful technique that allows you to take control of your mind instead of feeling mentally hijacked by fear.
One financial executive was nervous at meetings because he didn’t think he knew enough about the science. As we explored his thinking he realized that his job was to tell the story about the numbers. He knew enough to understand and speak intelligently about the science. But it was the job of the scientist to be the science expert.
A second year law student was ready to drop out of law school because she was so afraid of speaking in class. She would ask a question in the beginning of the class so the professor wouldn’t call on her. She thought that she was a poor communicator if her professor didn’t understand her. After thinking through the dynamic she realized that misunderstandings are common to everyone and the act of clarifying is the way to clear them up. She began to grow in confidence when she realized she could take control of her communication instead of feeling victimized.
A newly appointed CEO had a stellar reputation. But in this new role she presented to the board of directors. They didn’t appreciate her effusive style and she was losing credibility. She needed to present herself differently. Her stumbling block was she didn’t want to lose her authenticity. By changing her style she thought she wasn’t being real. This was foreign territory and it made her nervous. She finally realized that modifying her style was like speaking another language-a language that the board would understand and respect. Afterwards, people commented on how she did a 180 on her presentation.
So the next time you feel speaking anxiety, reframe it as excitement. Anxiety and excitement happen in the same part of the brain.Say “I’m excited” and change the frame.