The Fear Worse Than Public Speaking

Public speaking is not the top fear. Don't get me wrong. I work with clients all the time to build their confidence so that they can express their ideas. Speaking enables leaders to influence, build relationships, and advance their careers. It's one of the most powerful business and personal skills with far reaching impact. But public speaking fear is a temporary obstruction. It can be overcome. However, there is another fear that is much greater. It's slowly creeping into our culture.

It's the loss of freedom of speech.

Today, as we celebrate Independence Day, I heard a disturbing report on a television news segment. The University of North Carolina published a guidebook for employees on how to avoid micro aggression. They listed words that should not be used in conversation. Here are a few:

Don't say:

• Christmas Vacation because it could insult someone who practices a different religion
• Wife/Girlfriend or Husband/Boyfriend because it discriminates against other sexual preferences. (So do I deny I'm married ?)
• Round of Golf because some people can't afford to play (Have they not heard of municipal courses?)
• I Love Your Shoes because that's discriminating against women. (I have never met a woman who was insulted when I complimented her shoes).

ARE THEY KIDDING? What kind of craziness is this? Who could take this seriously? What great material for Saturday Night Live.

I certainly don't mean to single out UNC. There are other universities that actually have designated free speech zones. REALLY? The first amendment of the Bill of Rights grants freedom of speech not in geographic zones but everywhere. The purpose was to limit the power of  government and now we have universities telling us what we can say.

The comedian, Jerry Seinfeld stopped performing at colleges because he got tired of political correctness. Where is our sense of humor?

Whoever controls language controls thought. And that's scarier than any fear of speaking in public. This July 4th, let's give thanks for freedom of speech and have the confidence to speak out.

Happy July 4th !

Public Speaking in Soundbites

Are you able to get to the point? Do you know how to speak in soundbites? Speaking in soundbites help your message land. I created a video book of public speaking soundbites from a recent presentation:

How many times have you heard a presentation only to have your eyes glaze over? The speaker takes too long to get to the point and your brain simply shuts off. Overtalking is deadly when trying to get approval for an idea or when selling your product or service.

And it happens in networking meetings.People deliver a verbal resume instead of an elevator pitch. By the time it's the last person's turn it's time to go home. What many people don't understand about public speaking and clarity is that less is more. Some public speakers give so much detail that the listeners need a machete to cut through all the verbal weeds. To avoid going down a rabbit hole and losing your audience forever, try speaking in soundbites instead.

A soundbite is a short sentence or phrase that is easy to remember. I media train clients who have television interviews to speak in soundbites.The goal of a media interview is to provide "quotable quotes" that contain your message points. Soundbites make the message memorable.

Contrast these two messages:

"You need to learn to be a better speaker because you'll have to go on interviews and sell your ideas and there is a lot of competition and it will be harder to get the job or get promoted if other people speak better and you don't sound confident or clear, or concise so you should practice or take classes so you're not left behind."

"Speaking is the new competitive advantage"

Which do you remember? Which can you repeat?

So when it comes to communication and making the message land, Less is More.

What's your favorite sound bite? Comment below.

Six Sloppy Speech Habits

You may look like a million but if you want to close a big sale, gain approval from a co-op, or interview for a board position, looks aren’t everything. How you sound is equally as important. But many presenters let careless speech habits sink their chances of making a positive impression and reaching their goals. Here are six common speaking mistakes and how to keep them from sabotaging your presentation success.  Watch the video and read Diane’s tips below.

https://youtu.be/1geJXMFCfF8

1. Non-words:

Filler words such as “um,” “ah,” “you know”, “OK” or “like” tell the listener you’re not prepared and make you sound like a Valley Girl (or Boy). A better strategy is to think before you speak, taking pauses and breaths when you lose your train of thought. Everybody utters an occasional “um,” but don’t start every sentence with fillers or non-words.

2. "Up-talk":

A singsong or rising inflection at the end of every sentence creates a tentative impression and makes it sound as though you’re asking a question instead of making a definitive statement. You need to speak with conviction when selling yourself in a presentation. Bring your intonation down when ending a sentence to avoid talking up.

3. Grammatical Errors:

The listener may question your education when you use incorrect grammar or slang. Expressions such as “ain’t” “she don’t,” “me and my friend” and “Shoulda went” aren’t appropriate. Be sure you speak in complete sentences and that your tenses agree. The presentation is not the venue for regional expressions or informality.

4. Sloppy Speech:

Slurring words together or dropping the endings of words will impair the clarity of your message. To avoid slurring and increase clarity, speak slowly during a meeting or presentation. Make a list of commonly mispronounced words, and practice saying them into a recorder before the presentation. Some commonly mispronounced words include “aks” for “ask,” “ath a lete” for “athlete,” “thee ATE er” for “theater”, and “dree” for “three.”

5. Speed Talking:

While everybody is a bit anxious when giving a speech or presentation, you don’t want your information to fly by like a speeding bullet. A rapid speaking rate is difficult to follow, and speed talkers are perceived as nervous. Slow down your racing heart by doing some breathing exercises before the meeting. To avoid rushing, listen to the question, and then count two beats in your head before answering. When you finish a sentence, count two beats again before continuing. Don’t be afraid of silence. Embrace it. Pausing is an effective communication technique. The listener needs a few seconds to process what you just said.

6. Weak Speak:

Wimpy words modify or water down your conviction and undermine your position. When you pepper a conversation with “hopefully,” “perhaps,” “I feel,” “kind of” and “sort of,” the message you convey is a lack of certainty. Use power words such as “I’m confident that,” “my track record shows,” “I take the position that,” “I recommend” or “my goal is.” The language you use gives the listener an impression about your level of confidence and conviction.

The Bottom Line

You don’t have to study elocution to speak well. Simply slow down, take time to pronounce all the syllables, and leave the slang at home.

This article is also published on The Three Tomatoes, The Insider's Guide for Wwomen who aren't kids.

Boring to Brilliant Public Speaking: Make Dry Topics Dynamic

There are no boring topics-only boring speakers. Just about every audience and coaching client has heard me make that statement about public speaking. Recently, a client proved my theory at a corporate conference. He and his team were charged with creating a panel presentation to introduce the new compliance directives and expectations. Are you falling asleep yet? If you were a public speaker would you be panicking about how to keep people's attention? Unless the topic of compliance is your passion, or you're a trained actor, you'd be wondering how on earth you could possibly make this subject dynamic and interesting. But they did! Here's how:

The presenters wrapped a Star Wars theme around compliance. The presentation began with a Star Wars- like graphic slide complete with music and scrolling text.They substituted compliance terms into the text about the challenges of the galaxy.

After the slide faded to dark, the presenters walked on stage. When the lights went up the audience saw the panelists standing with lasers. The moderator walked center stage and spoke his opening line directly to the audience. But wait. There was more.

As the panelists were seated, the moderator looked around in surprise One of the panelists was missing. After much curiosity, the last panelist entered as Princess Leia dressed in white. She appeared as an imaginary hologram portending the future and then left the stage. She returned as herself and took her seat. By this time the audience was laughing, engaged, and revved up.

The panel discussion continued smoothly as the audience was truly primed to listen. Midway during the panel, to avoid any monotony, the panel called  R2D2, complete with sound effects in one of the slides. The moderator then announced a Question and Answer session.

And.just when you thought it was safe to be boring, the first questioner turned out to be Darth Vader in costume. He caused a commotion with his comments and his laser and was quickly escorted out by "security". The panel ended on a high note I'm sure it will be talked about for some time to come.

So what can we learn from this creative approach to a dry topic?

Wrap a dry topic in a dynamic, familiar theme. Movie and book titles are good sources for ideas.

Use music and sound effects to create excitement and emotion. This is especially potent when the audience recognizes a theme song. It can be as brief as a chorus or refrain.

Create visual interest. Props, graphics, and costumes are an alternative to slides. A prop can be a dollar bill or it can be people from the audience. The idea is to stimulate all the senses.

Trigger the element of surprise. The audience was not expecting Princess Leia and Darth Vader to appear in the audience. A simple magic trick or quick poll can be the source of the unexpected or unknown.

Leverage technology. Presenters don't have to rely exclusively on PowerPoint. Videotape an interview or talk to a remote site using live streaming.

Have fun. What made a boring topic exciting is that the presenters were having fun. Nothing engages an audience like laughter. When you're having fun, you abandon fear and become fully present in the moment and with the audience.

And that means never being boring again.

10 Steps to Confidence

Why do we spend years on developing competence when research proves that CONFIDENCE trumps COMPETENCE? Because we falsely believe that it's our smarts and not our hearts that get us to the top. So how do you learn confidence?  Here are 10 steps to confidence.

1. Clear. Get clear about who you are as a person and get clear about your presentation outcome. Clarity is the first step to confidence. Focus on your message and establish a benchmark for achieving your presentation outcome.
    
2. Other-Centered. Nervousness is self-centeredness. Turn your attention away from you and toward your audience. Ask, "How can I serve them?" "How can I make them comfortable." Do a deep dive into the minds of your listeners. When you profile your audience, you'll speak their language, create rapport, and you'll feel more prepared.
    
3. Natural. There is only one you. You have your own unique style. Don't set out to give a presentation. Be conversational and be yourself. If you're not funny, don't tell a joke. Share something personal and the audience will relate to you.
    
4. Free from Judgment. Eliminate your need for perfection and stop" shoulding" on yourself. Monitor your self-talk. When you begin the presentation, imagine success. When you finish the presentation, give yourself credit for the things you did well. Confidence develops over time and in a positive atmosphere. Mohammed Ali said "I am the greatest," before he was ever a champion
    
5. Improvise. Public speakers who are wedded to their scripts can be easily caught off guard if they lose their place or if there is a technical glitch. Learning to improvise will boost your confidence. When disaster strikes  embrace it instead of freezing in place. Prepare your recovery strategy with ad-lib lines.
    
6. Design. Confident delivery sits on well-designed structure. Confidence begins before you ever open your mouth. It starts with good organization. Good structure will keep you focused and on message, And your audience will be able to follow your points.
    
7. Enthusiastic Enthusiasm sells. When you're excited, you forget your nervousness. Speak from your passion and you'll find your energy increases. Raise your energy by doing something physical. Move around the room. Get louder. Use more gestures.Enthusiasm is contagious and your audience will be excited along with you.
    
8. Network. Do you feel like the naked speaker up there all alone? To gain confidence network before you speak. Get to the room early and practice. As people enter, greet each person with a smile and a handshake. By the time it's your turn to speak you'll be in the company of friends.
    
9. Concise. A speech can quickly unravel if the speaker gets stuck in the weeds of details. To feel confident, get to the point. Create crisp message points and build examples around each point. Instead of rolling their eyes, the audience will hang on your every word.
    
10. Engaging. It's hard to feel confident when you're a talking head. Give fewer facts and tell more stories. Why are stories so powerful? Stories draw the audience in,  break down resistance and entice them open to your message. Stories make your message memorable. And here's the bonus point.. A story has a natural sequence so you don't have to worry about losing your train of thought. Simply tell the story. Be in the story and your audience will be engaged.

First Impressions (by Kathy McShane) Guest Blogger

First Impressions impact all pubic speaking and communication. Read about First Impressions in an Excerpt from The Survivor’s Guide for Female Entrepreneurs, by Guest  Blogger  Kathy McShane We only have one chance to make a first impression. And that first impression can mean everything as you set out to make your mark in the business world. According to mindtools.com, a website providing free career skills and management techniques, it takes just a quick glance – maybe three seconds – for someone to evaluate you when you first meet, and this first impression is unlikely to change. So it’s important to think about the impression you want to leave. After all, as a small business owner, you are the face of your business.

When making that all-important first impression, keep these ideas in mind:

Body language speaks volumes. People you meet for the first time will pay as much attention to your body language as they will to your words. In fact, you’ll be judged by your body language before you even open your mouth. Be sure to uncross your arms and have an easy, ready smile at all times. Straighten your posture and offer a strong handshake.

Dress for the occasion. Find out what the “dress code” is at the location where you’ll be meeting people and plan appropriately. Choose an outfit that will complement your personality, boost your confidence and feel comfortable. Don’t wear a suit if you’re visiting a high-tech company, and don’t wear blue jeans to a bank. One business owner, hoping to seal a $24 million deal, was in competition with two other groups. The potential client told them all to dress in summer casual. The two competitors dressed in pinstriped suits. Guess who got the deal?

Be in the moment. Pay attention to the people you are meeting. Greet them with a firm handshake, look them in the eye and smile. Repeat their names as a way of remembering. Before going into the meeting or event, turn off digital devices.

Be engaged. Become immediately engaged in your discussion with the other person. Make sure to mention his or her name at least once during your conversation. This shows that you are interested and that you’ve paid attention.

Don’t interrupt. Unfortunately, people talk over each other and interrupt all the time. It may have to do with the digital age that we live in, which makes us feel that everything has to be responded to immediately. It’s easy to text or email while the other person is doing the same; in effect, you are engaged with your device and not with the person. When you are meeting someone face to face, however, be sure the other person is finished speaking before you begin to add to the conversation. Allow yourself to take a breath and process the previous comments. The silence may seem like forever, but it’s usually only a few seconds.

Throughout our journey as entrepreneurs, we will meet a lot of people and make many connections. And every connection gives us only one chance to make a great first impression. Be sure to make the most of it!

3 Magic Words that Kill Public Speaking Fear

Did you ever wonder if there was an Aladdin's Lamp for public speaking? All you would need to do is ask the Genie for the magic words to eliminate fear of public speaking or performance anxiety. Just like the eternal search for the fountain of youth, people still yearn for that elixir, potion, or formula that will make their nervousness vanish. What I've discovered is that the words you speak have the power to transform how you think. It's not what you say but how you think about your fear. A number of years ago I spoke to a group of company leaders. They, like everyone else, were nervous about public speaking. At one point I looked them straight in the eye and made a statement. After the training seminar, people told me that those words were very powerful and changed how they thought about public speaking.

Fast forward to a coaching client who was afraid to speak up in her class. She even thought about dropping out of law school because she was so nervous about public speaking. I told her the same thing I told every public speaker. And then it happened. She started to think differently after I shared those famous words with her. She graduated from law school and went on to give presentations without fear.

Most recently, a former client called me for a refresher. She told me her manager noticed a big improvement in her presentation and the way she interacted with clients. He offered her the refresher coaching session to prepare for their upcoming high stakes presentation. During the meeting, my client shared with me that the words I said to her truly changed how she thought about presentations and public speaking. Are the words really magical? No! The words themselves contain nothing magical. What the words did was reframe the way people were thinking about their fear. They were viewing public speaking through a negative frame and that triggered anxiety.

Even though I'm a seasoned professional speaker, I found myself getting nervous the day before a presentation. It was a 10 minute spotlight for the National Speakers Association. I confided to my friend that I was a nervous wreck. I couldn't wait for it to be over. My friend grabbed me by the shoulders and said, "Diane, don't do that to yourself. You're not nervous. You're energized." So I went home and recited my new mantra: "I'm energized. I'm energized." The next morning I gave my speech and it was a success. Words do make a difference.

The 3 magic words have made an impact on so many people. I think it is time I share them with you. So what are the 3 Magic Words that help people face their fear?

"It's About Them."

When I speak to audiences of nervous presenters, I tell them, "Get over yourself. It's not about you. It's about them." What they've come to realize is that at the very core of public speaking nervousness is a feeling of being self-centered. That's right. If you focus on the fear, you're thinking about yourself. If you think about what the audience wants and needs, you're coming from a place of service.

Language reflects thought. Change your language and you'll change your thinking. The next time anxiety occupies your mind, change your focus. Tell yourself, "It's about them."

What have you said to yourself to change your thinking?

Public Speaking is Being Infected by a Vocal Virus

Anthrax isn't the only bacteria we need to worry about. There's a vocal virus that is sweeping the nation. In the last few days, I've been getting more responses to a video on my youtube channel about Uptalk. It seems to be hitting a nerve. Watch here, then keep reading below:

https://youtu.be/LdhJxAmUu3Y

To many listeners, Uptalk sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I've had employers contact me to work with young women who have this speech pattern. Uptalk does not serve anyone in the workplace. It kills your credibility, destroys your presentations, makes you sound younger and less confident, and can prevent you from being promoted or working on high profile projects.

Here are a couple of recent comments on youtube:

This video should be shown once a week in schools here in the U.S. Males do this too now as well. It is terrible, and makes males look/appear incredibly effeminate.  You are doing God's work, Diane."

Scarey - Every woman in my office under the age of 40 uptalks, more than men but men are doing it as well.  One person literally uptalks on every sentence.  I even now hear older people starting to do this.  It is taking over.

Do you think it's too late? Is Uptalk already embedded in the culture? Should the schools and workplace intervene or should we let Uptalk continue to evolve? Your thoughts?

https://youtu.be/OFJv3KcukmA

It's World Voice Day - Do You Have a Voice?

Do you have a voice? Voice matters. Everyone has a right to express their voice. But you can't do that if you've lost your voice.  It's World Voice Day, a day dedicated to the care of the voice. You use your voice everyday and vocal misuse and abuse are not uncommon. Follow these tips for  a healthy voice.

Vocal Hygiene Tips

• Don't struggle to speak above loud noises.
• Avoid dairy products 24 hours before a long speech.
• Use abdominal breathing.
• Read more vocal hygiene tips here.

Avoid Vocal Fry

Vocal fry is a phenomenon that is taking off around the nation. Watch my interview with Nancy Redd on HuffPost Live to hear what it sounds like:

Even NPR broadcasters have fallen victim to vocal fry. Recently, they reported that they have received a fair amount of hate mail about the young women on their staff using vocal fry. Ira Glass investigates: If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, SAY IT IN ALL CAPS

Don't Use Uptalk

Uptalk is another vocal phenomenon that robs the speaker of his power. What is uptalk? It's when the speaker uses a rising inflection at the end of their sentence so it sounds like a question. Watch my video to hear it and to learn why it's spreading.

Women Need To Speak Up

World Voice Day is a perfect time to revisit the importance of women speaking up so they are heard. Some women speak in a breathy voice, and are too soft spoken. Uptalk and vocal fry get in the way of effective self expression.

Are you guilty of hindering your own communication? Ask a buddy to listen to you speak. Are you using uptalk, vocal fry, or a breathy, soft voice? Have your friend tell you when you do it so you can learn to stop it. Just make sure it's someone who will be honest with you!

Vocal Fry Can Hurt Your Presentation and Job Interview

Does your voice crackle like bacon? You may have vocal fry. Vocal fry is sweeping the nation. This creaky vocal pattern, also known as croaking, is a low vocal pitch that's often heard at the end of a sentence. It's prevalent among women and this pattern of public speaking is becoming a form of peer identity for the millennial generation. Kim Kardashian, Brittney Spears, and other young celebrities have popularized this form of speaking. In one study, vocal fry was noted in two thirds of college students. However popular, vocal fry communicates a negative impression and doesn't serve professionals who want to be taken seriously in the workplace. Not only is vocal fry an irritating sound for a public speaker; it can also be deadly in a job interview.

Women job applicants who presented themselves with vocal fry were perceived as less competent, less educated, and less trustworthy. To learn more, watch my interview with Nancy Redd on Huffington Post Live:

You Talk Too Much: 4 Ways to Get Boring People to Stop Talking

We've all experienced it. You're at a networking meeting or a social event and there's that person who dominates the conversation and can't stop talking. You wish they would direct the conversation toward you but it's like a traffic jam of words. How do you get them to stop? Their verbal barrage is a red light signalling you to stop and listen. If only they would give you the green light by taking a breath. You patiently wait but your turn never comes. It's one thing to give a speech from the platform. But conversations should be a dialogue. A person who dominates the conversation soon becomes a bore.

What gives? Is it nervousness? Sometimes excessive talking can be a symptom of nervousness. For some people, verbal diarrhea stems from a lack of social skills. They just don't know how to stop and they don't pick up on non-verbal cues. As long as you maintain eye contact, they keep talking. To get them to stop, try these three techniques:

Ask a question of someone else. Bring someone into the conversation by asking their opinion of the topic that's being discussed as a monologue. This will stop the speaker because you have just disrupted the pattern of them speaking and you listening.

Use a bridge statement. If you're in a one-to-one situation, use a statement to turn the conversation back to you. "That's an interesting point and it reminds me of when I..." "Your business is interesting and I've experienced a similar situation..." Have these bridge statements handy so that you can use them effortlessly.

Be direct. Take control and ask, "Would you like to hear about what I do?" If they don't seem interested, use technique number four.

Disengage. When you've tried to replace a monologue with a dialogue, but nothing is working, end the conversation. "It's been nice chatting. I'm going to get a refill."  "My friend just walked in. It was nice to talk to you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCFQbA7mc7k

7 Platform Tips to Punch Up Your Performance

Performing is not about juggling balls in the air or acting on the big stage. Every presentation you give is a performance - even a meeting update! Whether your platform is a convention hall, a boardroom, or the kitchen table, good presentation skills can determine the quality of your performance and result in a successful outcome. Here are 7 platform tips to punch up your performance: Pause strategically. The first pause you take is when you walk on the platform. Look at two people and silently connect. Allow for the silence and then make your opening remarks. Come to a full stop at the end of a sentence. Count 2 beats to yourself before moving on. For greater impact and to evoke emotions, hold the pause even longer. Pause to signal that a point is significant. If you fail to pause, your message will sound like one run-on sentence and the message won't land. Speed talking translates as nervousness. Remember: power is never rushed.

Engage the group. Are you a talking head? Most audiences don't like to be lectured. Savvy public speakers employ engagement techniques to draw attention and maintain interest. You can ask rhetorical questions, flash a photograph on the screen, tell a story, share a case study, create a discussion, or use polling software. Try getting the audience on their feet. Whatever technique you choose, be sure the audience is involved in your message.

Rehearse in the room. The best public speakers rehearse out loud and time themselves. But there is something about practicing in the actual meeting room that makes a difference. I can't tell you why this works. I do know that every time I practice my speech or presentation in an empty room, I always feel more confident.

Find a friendly face. Maybe it's the person who is smiling. Make an eye connection and deliver your opening line to that one person. Don't try to convert the scowling face. That will shatter your confidence. Look at the receptive person and then move on to someone else. Keep looking at friendly faces.

Offer a challenge. Audiences have come to expect to be spoon fed. They lean back in their chairs and wait for you to enlighten them. It's easy for them to expect the presenter to do all the work. After all, you're the expert. You can turn the tables on them and challenge them. Begin your presentation with a challenge to shake them up. And end with a call to action and challenge them to keep their commitment.

Remember the rule of three. A well known principle of effective public speaking is the use of repetition. Martin Luther King used repetition in his I Have a Dream Speech. The speech originally had a different title but because he said "I have a dream" repetitively, it became known by that refrain. The advertising world employs repetition using the rule of three in commercials and jingles. Think of fairy tales - Three Little Pigs, nursery rhymes - Three Blind Mice, and  movie titles - Three Men and a Baby. Craft your message with three agenda items, 3 main points, and three benefits, and you'll be clear and memorable.

Mirror the audience. Have you ever hit it off with somebody right away? They were probably just like you. It's the same with audiences. So how can you increase your likability? Mirror them. Notice their body position. How is their energy? Is it fast or slow? What kinds of words or expressions do they use? In one-to-one communication, mirroring is much easier but you can also mirror a large audience. If they are an extroverted sales team, you'll want to raise your energy and volume. If they're more scientific you'll want to tone it down and provide more data.

I recently trained a group of economists in the U.K. and I was in full presentation mode, as I projected my voice and increased my energy. This group was more soft-spoken. During a break, the leader explained that the energy level was quieter in this U.K. company. "So I would be considered loud?" I asked. "Yes!" he answered. What a surprise! In the U.S. I'm considered more soft spoken than some of my peers. I returned to the meeting and toned it down. The meeting was a success.

To punch up your presentations remember to P.E.R.F.O.R.M.

The Hidden Message In Policy

I had a run-in today with Microsoft. My laptop needed an update to Windows 8. I put in my credit card for the download and an email arrived saying that it would take 4-6 hours to process the transaction. WHAT?! #%@$^%!

My assistant is leaving early, and I'm in and out seeing clients all day. It's Friday, and I need this done before the weekend. Every single time I've made an online purchase, downloads have always been immediate. Something was not right. I called up Microsoft, and they told me it was a problem with the credit card I used - it was that company's policy. He said it took time for the funds to be released. I asked him if I would have the delay with another credit card and he said, "No."

While speaking to the credit card company, they blamed Microsoft. They said that they got notification of the transaction and approved it.

So, I called Microsoft back and got a different support person. He said the delay was the result of the credit card company's policy. I asked him to cancel my order so I could use a different card. After telling him the original credit card company had approved the transaction, he no longer wanted to take a new one. He told me he would work on this himself, but that it would take an hour or two.

The Microsoft representative listened to my tirade about how he should tell marketing and the CEO to alert customers about the delay with this particular credit card. He must have been working while we were on the phone, because by the end of the conversation, my download became available.

So what is the lesson here?

Policy is a form of communication. Policy communicates how you treat your customers, how you treat your support staff, and what you value. Policy demonstrates whether a company is truly connected and engaged with their customers, or whether their decisions are made in ivory towers.

The policies that you set impact perception - are you cutting edge or are you behind the times? When the standard in e-commerce is instantaneous transaction and download, to have to wait 4-6 hours as a matter of course, creates the perception of a dinosaur. A policy communicates who you are really serving. In this case, it was not the customer.

The Power of Hand-to-Hand Contact

What is the equal opportunity communication that favors no gender? In every presentation skills seminar and in each initial executive speech coaching session, I spend time demonstrating the business handshake. Why discuss something so basic that we do every day? Because business can be lost due to an ineffective handshake. Just like two dogs sniffing each other, a handshake is the first point of contact. And many people don't realize the handshake is a presentation. To learn how to shake hands  and use gestures for  maximum impact, watch this TEDx video by Allan Pease.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZZ7k8cMA-4

Don't Dictate - Facilitate: 10 Tips for Effective Facilitation

  With 11 million meetings daily (3 billion yearly), it's not surprising that people feel they attend too many meetings. And most of them are unproductive. That equates to 31 hours of lost productivity per month or four days. The starting point for improving meeting effectiveness begins with the facilitator.

Here are 10 facilitation tips to make you a better facilitator:

Clear Purpose. Facilitation begins before the meeting. Determine the reason for the meeting. Is it to solve a problem, develop innovative ideas, select a theme for an event? Begin with the end in mind. Without a clear purpose, your meeting will go nowhere.

Start on Time. Don't wait for latecomers. You'll set a negative precedent and you'll end late. To get people be on time, try starting the meeting at an odd time like 8:57 a.m. People will notice the odd time and know you mean business.

Encourage Creative Thinking. The facilitator needs to create a safe space to share ideas. Don't evaluate or reject contributions. Allow for off-the-wall thinking without judgment. The best solutions are not always the tried and true.

Clarify, Paraphrase and Probe. These powerful listening skills are essential tools for any facilitator. Clarify by saying, "Tell me more." "Can you be specific?" We may think we're talking about the same thing when we say the word, CAR. But you're seeing a Volvo and someone else is seeing a Bentley. Paraphrase before responding. This is a listening check as well as an acknowledgement that the person was heard. Finally, probing is a skill that allows the facilitator to dig deeper and get to the underlying issue.

Summarize Main Points. Too many meetings and presentations end without a conclusion.  Effective facilitators provide internal summaries before moving on to the next agenda item and at the end of the meeting. Internal summaries can be a check for resistance. Make sure the group understands and is aligned before moving on. The job of a facilitator is to connect the dots.

Use a Flipchart and Post it Notes. A flipchart or whiteboard is a facilitator's best resource. The flipchart allows you to capture information in the moment. It's also a way of controlling the group dynamic. When the discussion is disrupted, ask people to write questions on the post it notes and put them on the parking lot (flipchart). Later, the facilitator can answer them.

Remain Objective. Never drive your own agenda.The role of the facilitator is to access information from the group and to remain neutral.

Keep Moving in the Direction of the Problem.  Write the problem statement for all to see. When the problem is clear, you'll be able to direct the discussion in the right direction while still being impartial.This prevents the group from losing focus.

Control the Discussion. A facilitator is the orchestra leader and the participants are the musicians. Questions are the baton. Just like the conductor knows how to bring up the string section and lower the brass, a skilled facilitator uses questions to guide and direct the discussion.

Keep a List of Action Items. Without action items, things will fall through the cracks. A good facilitator will assign attendees a role, a responsibility, and a deadline. To ensure accountability, it's wise for the facilitator to follow up before the next meeting.

Good facilitation skills will increase meeting productivity, lead to more creative solutions, and are essential for managing group dynamics. The facilitator as leader must remember to check the ego at the door. When it comes to facilitation, it's not about you. It's about them!

What has worked for you as a facilitator? What are your biggest challenges?

Press Release: Diane DiResta Invited to Share Powerful Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict on Anger 911

For immediate release

DiResta Invited to Share Powerful Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict

Diane DiResta, Founder of DiResta Communications, Inc, will be the guest on Anger 911 Radio to share "Powerful Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict". Tune in on Wednesday, April 2^nd at 9:00 a.m. EST. Visit www.Anger911.net and click on the purple mic. Anger 911 is syndicated on ClearChannel iHeart Radio - 50 million listeners! Read more ...

The Laughter of Leadership

We've heard about managing by walking around. We've heard about leading by storytelling. But can you laugh your way to leadership? It turns out that laughter is an important leadership and presentation skill. But when it comes to humor in the workplace men are more skilled than women.

Judith Baxter, professor of applied linguistics at Aston University in the U.K, studied how men and women use language. She observed men and women who were leading high level meetings. Baxter found women to be less at ease using humor. 80% failed when attempting to be humorous and sometimes derailed as a result. In contrast, Professor Baxter observed that 90% of men's humor got a laugh. This reminds me of the numerous times women have told me that their ideas aren't taken seriously. Yet, when a man presents the same idea minutes later, it's enthusiastically embraced.

Are men naturally funnier than women? Baxter didn't answer that question, postulating instead, that culture plays a role. We expect men to be funny but don't have the same expectation of women. Teasing and one-upmanship resulted in laughter from men, but it was risky for women to use the same tactics. When I speak to women leaders, it's been my experience that women don't take enough credit for their accomplishments and speak in more self deprecating terms. Motivational speaker Tony Robbins contrasted the male one-upmanship communication style with the female pattern, which he dubbed 'one-downmanship'.

In addition to cultural expectations, Baxter cited minority status as another reason for this difference in effective use of humor. She observed an 80/20 male-to-female ratio in the meetings she attended. Being in the minority made some women defensive and less relaxed. An interesting turn of events occurred in meetings with middle managers. When the meetings were more gender balanced or contained more women, the women got more laughs.

So could lack of female confidence once again be at the core of this gender difference in humor? Is this one of the reasons women get stuck in middle management? Is humor the missing key to leadership advancement? Speaking may be the new competitive advantage but humor may be the leadership edge.

What's been your experience? Should women leaders study stand-up comedy?

Don't Let What Happened to Michael Bay Happen To You

What's a public speaker's worst nightmare? It's what happened to Michael Bay. Going blank and not knowing what to do can cause any speaker to freeze with fear. I saw this happen during the December holidays at a networking party. The event took place in a large store with a winding staircase in the middle of the room. Each speaker climbed a few stairs and then talked to 50 women who were standing around. The third speaker ascended the stairs and began to talk about hair care. He started out fine. But a few minutes into it he said, "I'm sorry " and left the building. We didn't know what hit us.The audience didn't see that coming. But something happened inside to trigger a panic attack. Michael Bey was interrupted by the emcee, lost his place on the teleprompter and couldn't recover. He walked off. It was a painful moment for him, the emcee, the sponsor, and the viewers. What could he have done? What would you do?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlC-VIX9Gyg

The best preparation aside from rehearsing is to know your worst case scenario and plan a recovery strategy.

Have a Backup Script-If you ever speak from a teleprompter, have a back-up script.  Although not ideal, Michael could have taken the script and continued the presentation.

Play it Again Sam-If the technology goes down or the teleprompter malfunctions, call it out and ask them to restart. I once saw a Miss Universe pageant. The contestant began her presentation in English and then got flustered. Instead of dying on the platform, she announced that she was going to continue in French. The audience encouraged her with applause.

Stop and Breathe-Public speaking success is not guaranteed. If you experience brain freeze, take a moment to focus on your breath. This will help you come back and regain your composure. People walk off in a panic because they don't know what to do. Too many public speakers fear silence. So they exit the stage. You don't have to act immediately. Pause and breathe to come back into your body.

Fire an Anchor-This takes preparation. Create a physical anchor, or word that will trigger you back into confidence. Fire it and expect to experience a state of excellence where you have that "can do" attitude. You can give fear the finger.

Let Go and Go with the Flow-When disaster strikes, take a lesson from martial arts. Don't fight against the energy. Use it. Disarm your opponent. In this case, the opponent is fear.

The best public speakers are prepared and then let go. Nobody is better at this than Bill Clinton. During one of his presidential speeches he realized that somebody put the wrong speech in the teleprompter. He was able to wing it until Hillary could notify the person responsible. .If you're wedded to every word you will have a difficult time as a public speaker.

When Michael's speech was out of sync with the teleprompter, the emcee asked him a question about the slides.That was the opportunity to let go of the script and to have a conversation.The presentation could have morphed into an interview and Mr. Bay could have remained on stage.

The Lesson? In the arena of public speaking, it's not always what you say, it's how you recover. If at all possible, avoid using a teleprompter. Be prepared and know this too,will pass.

What was your worst public speaking moment? What did you do?

10 Presentation Trends for 2014

In 2014 presentation skills will reign supreme. Leaders and entrepreneurs will need to be more visible across different media platforms. Speaking is the new competitive advantage and the bar has been raised. Here are the trends in presentations that I predict for 2014.

1. Broadcasting skills - Whether you're an entrepreneur or employed by a company, expect to have your 15 minutes of fame.Today's presenters need broadcasting skills. Media training will become a vital success skill even for those who do not speak to the press. I'm currently coaching a client to lead quarterly webcasts. Five years ago this senior executive wasn't doing any broadcasting. This client has since been filmed for executive promotional videos. Video presentations will increase in popularity. I use eyejot.com to send quick video emails. Videos can be very effective or very detrimental if you have weak presentation skills.
2. Mobile presentations - Mobil technology is exploding and the number of apps is growing. This will require adjustments in the way we communicate. Slide shows and websites must be adjusted for mobile devices.The key word in presentations is portability. On a personal note, I now videotape my coaching clients on the ipad. The quality is as good as a video camera and it's easier to transport.
3. Increased Need for Speaker Training - The need for excellent presentation skills will increase.due to the competitive nature of the market. Products and services can quickly become commodities and in order to be persuasive, presenters will need to know how to capture and hold the ear of the listeners.
4. Self marketing presentations - Personal branding will become even more important. In a crowded market place where good jobs are at a premium. Job candidates will have to master marketing and selling. That means understanding what makes them unique and how to position themselves, their message, and their value with clarity and impact. Lack of confidence will be the deal breaker. Speakmarketing will be a growing factor for small business success. Presently, I'm coaching  small businesses to develop webinars to grow their businesses.
5. Storytelling - Telling stories will no longer be the domain for the talented few. Leaders will be challenged to learn the art of storytelling to develop trust, express their vision and to lead their teams. And storytelling skills will be the differentiater in the job interview.Certain companies such as Pepsico, have a culture of storytelling. The best interviewers will invest in public speaking coaching to learn to tell their story instead of presenting their resume.
6. Authenticity - Audiences are more sophisticated and less tolerant than ever. They want to know who the speaker is as a person.Do they walk their talk? Audiences will value  presenters who are real versus a just-the-facts approach. I was asked to coach somebody who had a well-crafted PowerPoint deck but delivered it like a talking head. Listeners are thinking "Who are you?"
7. Increased Audience Interaction - The key word is connection. In a society where there is less time for socializing and more stress, people want to have an experience and participate with the speaker. Watch for increased live polling, tweeting, live streaming,and audience participation. Technology will level the playing field as speakers can now use inexpensive polling software on their mobile devices.There will also be an increase in virtual presentations. I'm coaching more clients remotely due to technology tools.
8. Less Fluff More Value - Motivational speakers will always be popular as long as the human soul craves uplifting messages. But today's presenters need more than a string of 'feel good" stories. They must be able to provide value, tips, strategies, action steps, a different way of thinking along with those stories. Audiences are more demanding.
9. Shorter Keynote Speeches - The 18 minute TED-like talk will become more commonplace. This is already happening at conferences. Instead of the one to three hour breakout sessions, event planners and audiences are opting for a series of shorter talks.
10. Continuity - The old transactional model of giving a one hour presentation and then return to business as usual,  will give way to the idea of continuity.The message will continue after the event or meeting with additional contact and add-on resources. Despite the fact that younger audiences are leaving facebook, social media will continue to be an important communication channel for staying connected. However, people will consider the return on their time and become more focused and narrow in their social media communication.

All of these trends can be summarized in one idea: Public speaking is more important than ever. The need for excellent presentation skills is not going away. It will only increase in 2014 and beyond. Just as with technology upgrades,presenters will upgrade their public speaking skills or risk becoming obsolete.

How to Influence in 19 Seconds

Last week, during my seminar, Meet to Present, my client took me aside and pointed to one of the participants. "Do you know who he is?" she whispered.

"No, but he looks familiar," I said. "Who is he?"

"He played Mikey in the Life Cereal commercial," she revealed.

"I love that commercial!", I squealed. "Mikey was so cute".

If you're a baby boomer who grew up in the U.S., you saw the commercial about Life Cereal. Years later, people remember this commercial even though it's only 19 seconds in length. It first played in 1972 and was one of the longest, continuously running commercials.  In 1999, TV Guide rated it as one of the top 10 commercials and in a survey 70% of adults could identify it.

So what does this commercial teach us about public speaking success and influence?

The message tells a story. There are no statistics, no lecturing. The audience watches two brothers reject the "healthy" cereal they think isn't good enough to eat. The brothers call in Mikey to be the guinea pig. To their surprise he likes it.

The message is simple and clear. This is a tasty cereal that's good for you. Yet nobody ever says that.

The messenger is memorable. The commercial ends with "Hey Mikey." People remember the last thing they hear and that's why to this day the audience remembers Mikey's name.

The message is replayed. It's not enough to speak once or twice. To make the message land, savvy speakers tell their signature stories. They present their message frequently to many audiences through different media.

Like television ads, a speech or presentation must tell a good story. The ad took 19 seconds to tell the story and sell the message.

How long does the average speaker take to give a presentation? What if you had only 19 seconds? How would you tell your story? Would it be memorable?

For a trip down memory lane, here is Mikey's Life cereal commercial: