Words Have Power

Monday, January 24th was National Compliment Day.  I had to travel two hours to coach a CEO who was out- of - state and I didn't have much computer time. So before I left, I sent a tweet telling my followers to compliment five people. I was surprised when one person immediately sent me a compliment. It made me feel good. I emailed a few people my compliments and took off for my trip. I was not prepared for what was about to happen next. People started responding to my words. One friend wrote:

"YOU have no idea what a wonderful friend you are and always will be to me, or how much I needed this today.  I had a horrible day at work and your compliment lifted my spirits to the sun and back. Thank you."

Another person wrote:  "Thank you so much, Diane. You have no idea how much I needed that."

When I told my husband I sent him a compliment he started walking upstairs. I asked him where he was going. He said, "I'm going to the computer to read my compliment."

It truly hit home what power there is in words and how starved people are for a word of appreciation. They weren't sent a testimonial letter-just one simple compliment. Their reaction surprised me. It made me want to continue wrapping people in  words of praise.  Words not only have the power to change people's emotions and self-esteem, but they empower the speaker who uses them. Imagine how one sentence can change the way someone experiences their day.

Public  speakers  have an incredible power.  It's the power of the spoken word. A  public speaker has a platform and what a privilege it is! The right word, perfectly timed, and said in the right voice can LITERALLY lift people's spirits. Martin Luther King had this gift. Joel Osteen has this gift, too. But you don't have to be a gifted speaker to impact lives in a positive way. You don't even have to be in front of a group. All you have to do is speak your word. And then the magic happens.

When the Speaker Turns a Toast into a Roast

Sunday night we watched the Golden Globe awards spiral downward into a verbal slapfest. Ricky Gervais, the emcee for the evening, pushed the envelope and went beyond edgy to offensive. A comedian is supposed to be funny, witty, and a little risque. However, as a public speaker, Gervais seemed to be oblivious to the fact that he was speaking in public. Rather than being funny, his comments and barbs were insulting and at times downright mean. Although others may disagree, an awards ceremony should honor the winners while using wit and humor to poke fun at the recipients and film industry. Think Billy Crystal. What makes the commentary funny is that there is a kernel of truth in the joke which makes the audience laugh. When introducing actor Robert Downey Jr, Gervais  said, "But many of you in this room probably know him best from such facilities as the Betty Ford Clinic and Los Angeles County Jail." Ouch. As a listener, it didn't feel good and it didn't make me laugh. It felt like an attack. The real humor was missing because the comments lacked a lightness.

Downey shot back, "Aside from the fact that it's been hugely mean-spirited with mildly sinister undertones, I'd say the vibe of the show has been pretty good so far, wouldn't you?"  As a coach, I must say that this was a good comeback. It was quick, clever, and he acknowledged the elephant in the room. I've attended roasts at the Friar's Club in New York City and they can be brutal. But one thing is different. Most of the jokes are funny and there's a lot of laughter. When hosting an awards ceremony or even a roast, it's not about the emcee. It's about the honorees.

Gervais was not alone in his bad behavior. After accepting the Cecil B. DeMille award, Robert De Niro  hurled a zinger at the foreign press.  " I'm sorry more members of the Hollywood Foreign Press aren't with us tonight, but most of them got deported right before the show. Along with most of the waiters. And Javier Bardem." De Niro was not gracious. This kind of poor judgment is exactly the kind of communication that causes people to lose their jobs. As a public speaker, your presentation is your brand. And your words will live on long after you exit the stage.

Speaking Resolutions: Eleven for 2011

Make this your best year. Start by polishing your presentation and communication skills. Resolve to follow these eleven speaking principles to speak with greater impact.

1. Make a promise to improve your communication skills. A promise is stronger than a goal. When you promise, it's the strongest commitment you can make to yourself.
2. Follow the 6-by-6 Rule when using PowerPoint. Aim for reader-friendly slides: 6 words or less per line and 6 lines or less per slide.
3. Give a speech without PowerPoint. We are PowerPointed out! Don't use slides as a crutch. Try connecting with the audience. The key word in visual aid is AID. You are the message.
4. Get comfortable with silence. Most people fear silence and this causes them to speak too fast and to use lots of 'um's and 'ah's. Practice dramatic pauses.
5. Listen to the audience listening. There's always a silent communication between the speaker and the audience. Tune in, feel, and hear what the audience is telling you.
6. Speak from your head and your heart. Speakers either give too much data and stay on the intellectual plane or they just tell entertaining stories without enough substance. Today's audiences want hard data in an entertaining style.
7. Tell more stories. Stories create word pictures, which are memorable and touch the heart. Even a business presentation is more effective when using stories, analogies, and metaphors.
8. Don't be afraid to be real. You don't have to be a perfect presenter. Most audiences don't relate to someone who's slick and overly polished. Don't imitate someone else. Be your authentic self - the audience can see through phoniness.
9. Kick your energy up a notch. Enthusiasm sells and with bigger groups you need greater energy to make an impact. You need to push your energy past your comfort level, especially on video and television, which tend to reduce energy.
10. Practice the Rule of Three. Most people think in threes. When crafting a presentation, aim for three agenda items, three main points, three benefits.
11. Get over yourself - it's not about you, it's about the audience. Fear of public speaking is still at the top of our list of phobias. Take the focus off of YOU - when you're nervous, you're self-centered. Focus on the audience.

Good communicators are more successful in all areas of life: relationships, career, and well-being. And speaking is the new competitive weapon.

The King's Speech-If He Can Do It So Can You

I just saw the movie, The King's Speech starring Geoffrey Rush and Colin Firth. It's the story about King George and his struggle to overcome severe stuttering and the relationship between him and his speech coach. As a Speech Pathologist who worked with stutterers and as a speaking strategist  who coaches executives, it was a powerful reminder  to me of the gift of speech.  King George was thrust into a leadership role he didn't want and  had to  inspire a nation during World War II. How do you do that without speaking? The answer is -you don't.  Enter the speech coach. It was inspiring to watch King George  overcome  his struggles, resistance to coaching, and outright fear.  He confronted his biggest fear and won!

While only 1% of the population stutters, most people fear public speaking. When first working with clients, I see the same fears, resistance, and avoidance that was portrayed in the movie. And yet, without the gift of speech, lives and careers are negatively  impacted. Today more than ever you must be able to present yourself, your message, and your value.

Speaking is the new competitive weapon. In  a competitive job market, candidates who have the best communication and speaking skills have the advantage. Leaders who have good presentation skills are better positioned for success. Sales people who are good public speakers can better influence. Industry experts with good public speaking skills get invited to convey their message at prestigious conferences, and authors who speak well get invited back for media interviews.

Your presentation is your brand. Your voicemail message and even your ring tone convey your brand. How you deliver your elevator speech determines whether people want to do business with you. How you speak and present yourself can be an indicator of education level and socioeconomic status. A study conducted in the 1970s demonstrated that sales reps in upscale department stores had better diction than those who worked in bargain stores.

Public speaking is a skill everyone must master in order to be successful. It's not going away. Avoidance by delegation is not a long time strategy. If you're the CEO, the shareholders want to hear from you. A CEO or CFO who rambles or sounds hesitant doesn't inspire confidence in the analysts. And this can affect a stock's rating. A manager will not motivate a team by giving a lackluster pep talk devoid of emotion.  Entrepreneurs who can't communicate a clear business strategy and convey confidence will forfeit investor funding. Students who don't  know how to present themselves during an interview, may not gain entry to the college of choice.

You don't have to speak the King's English to be successful but you do need to know how to speak and speak well. I believe gifted speakers are born but effective speakers are made.  It doesn't take a major overhaul for most people to be effective. It's the little things that make the most impact. Everyone can be effective and speak with confidence. Public speaking is a skill.  Skills + Practice=Confidence. Make this the year you learn to speak with confidence.