OMG! Where Have All the Good Networkers Gone?

There's a line from a Peter Paul and Mary song, Where Have All the Flowers Gone? that goes "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?" Well, I want to know, "Where have all the good networkers gone?" In some instances I've started using Skype video as a first point of contact. The conversation starts out cordial. I usually ask the person to tell me about themselves and their business. It's rare that I'm asked that question first. We have a brief friendly interchange and may even discover something in common.

But then it happens. The SALES PITCH! I watched my own eyes glaze over on the Skype video as the person yammered on about the offer. I learned every component, compartment, and crevice of that product. There didn't seem to be much awareness of my state of ennui. No conversation-just a fast moving monologue like a getaway train.

Can you spell dialogue? Communication is a two way street.

Losing hope that it would finally come to an end, I used my media training skills and made a bridge statement to my business. More often than not, I'll have to use a "pattern interrupt" to bring them back into their bodies. It's as if they get lost in the verbal vomiting and forget that there's another person in the room. During one interchange I asked, "Just out of curiosity, what do you think I do?"

Bad networking pervades every venue. How many networking lunches have you attended where people drone on? The worst example was a guest who stood up and read a three page testimonial. Get me the gong! Here's the truth: less is more. People remember less the longer you speak.

Networking is not about speech-making. It's about building relationships. How can you do that if you only talk about yourself? Knowing I'm not alone in this experience, I asked my friend how she handles networking gone amuck. She confided that she now sets limits in her networking meetings. She tells people that she will meet on the condition that they don't talk about their products and services. She only wants to get to know them.

Networking, like public speaking, is a skill. And skills can be learned. Here are some tips to enhance your networking conversations and presentations:

Prepare. Go to the website and learn about the other person. Learn about their customers and alliances. They could be a source of referrals.

Be Curious. Get to know the other person as an individual and not as a business owner. There is hidden treasure you can mine when you learn about a person's life. Uncovering their interest in golf, could lead to an invitation to play and meet others at a country club.

Give to Give. Come from a place of helping without thinking of yourself. Ask how you can help them. Remember the rule of reciprocity. When you give to someone they will feel obligated to give back.

Less is More. To make your message sticky, explain what you do in a simple sound bite. I recently challenged my readers to give their elevator speech in 7 words or less. I invite you to take the challenge. Remember FDR's quote: "Be sincere, be brief, be seated."

Put in the Time. Nobody is going to refer a person they just met. Building trust takes time. Be willing to invest in relationship building. Stay in touch with phone calls, emails, and cards.

Don't Sell. Frequently, the person you meet is not going to be a direct buyer but their contacts could be a customer for you. The time to sell is when someone is interested in buying.

So where have all the good networkers gone? You'll  know them when you see them. I met a couple of good networkers last week. It was a real conversation- full of questions, comments, suggestions, energy, smiles, and real interest.

You won't hit it off with everybody but when you practice these six tips you'll maximize every conversation and build a strong network.

Command More Clout: 5 Tips for Effective Communication

June is effective communication month. To increase your influence and executive presence, your message must  grab and keep attention. I make sure that all my coaching clients know the secrets of speaking with impact. Here are 5 quick tips to be a knockout communicator.

Even Michelle Obama Mispronounces This Word

In 2004 I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal about sloppy speech habits in the workplace. It hit a nerve and the reporter, Joann Lublin, wrote a follow up piece. It seems that employers favor good diction in the workplace. In honor of May being Better Speech and Hearing month, I'm posting some one minute videos to address the issue of poor diction. Even well spoken, high profile communicators express the occasional verbal faux pas or mispronunciation. Some of these diction errors are regionalisms;even so, they can undermine the speaker's credibility, executive presence, and leadership.

Stop the Verbal Vomiting

A few weeks ago I was exhibiting at a trade show and experienced a communication pattern which I now realize is not so uncommon. People would walk by the booth and I’d ask a qualifying question. If they answered affirmatively, I’d continue the conversation. One of the quickest ways to learn that someone is not a buyer is to listen to their conversational pattern. They don’t stop talking. These people don’t pick up on subtle cues such as noticing I’m moving away or using an exit line. They get caught up in their own loquaciousness.  I call it verbal vomiting.  According to wikipedia, vomiting  is “the forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s stomach through the mouth." Verbal vomiting is the forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s mind through the mouth and projecting it at whoever has engaged them in discourse. One person approached me at the booth and confided that he had creative ideas but couldn’t express them as message points. He would talk in circles.  I suggested he talk it out with a writer who could interview him and capture his ideas. He loved my suggestion and asked me if I could help. “No, that’s not what I do,” I explained.  “It’s not about the money,” he countered. I told him to look for a writer and that I didn’t know anybody. He continued talking and I realized that much of the time people are just looking for free therapy. Like Joe the bartender, they want someone with whom they can share their story without any real commitment to solving the problem.  I wished him luck and walked to the  other side of the booth.

Sadly, he wasn’t the only case. Another attendee walked by the booth. It was clear in the first five seconds that he was not a prospect. Did he care? Of course, not.  He kept talking. There was no awareness that he was wasting my time or that I was bored to tears. With some people you have to be rude before they get the message.

Verbal vomiting is not limited to trade shows. A couple of years ago, I had hired a woman to do some SEO marketing. When the contract was coming to an end, Kathy (not her real name) phoned me  to renew the agreement. She talked non-stop and never came up for air. There was not even a nano second of a pause where I could interject. I called her name-”Kathy.” No answer. I tried again a little louder, “Kathy!” I screamed into the phone, “Kathy!!!” She never stopped and I don’t think she heard me. Was her phone on mute? Did she think she would sell me if she kept talking? I hung up the phone. I believe Kathy is out of business today.

This communication pattern can also cost you a job offer.  Nervous job candidates rattle on without taking a breath. Silence is frightening so they fill in the gaps with idle chatter. Here’s where many candidates derail. By talking too much they reveal information and can talk themselves into a corner. Incessant chatter conveys nervousness and a lack of preparation. A skilled interviewer will wonder what the applicant may be hiding.

If you still think you haven’t experienced verbal vomiting, then think back to your last networking meeting. We’ve all heard the person who goes on and on until the moderator has to intervene. What people don’t realize is that when it comes to communication, less is more. The listener just can’t absorb all that information. And when you drone on about yourself, you bore the audience and lose the opportunity for a relationship. Communication is not about giving a speech. It’s an exchange of ideas, a dialogue. It’s not about you. It’s about them-the audience. The best defense against this kind of communicator is to have a list of exit lines. “It’s been nice talking to you.”  “I don’t want to monopolize your time.” “I’m going to get a refill.”

Reverse peristalsis is nature’s way of ridding the body of poisons. In communication, verbal vomiting is poisonous to your audience. The antacid is to observe body language, take turns, ask questions and listen. The key to effective communication is to be listener-centered.

Va Bene: What the Italians Taught Me About Public Speaking

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. I just got back from vacation in Northern Italy. In the big cities, a lot of people speak English but in the smaller towns, it helps to speak a few words of Italian. We were in the town of Quinto, a suburb of Vicenza. While we were paying for our food, the cashier asked my husband if he spoke Italian. He shook his head and said, “No parla Italiano.

We've Got to Stop Meeting Like This

Most people would agree that meetings are a waste of time. One frustrated employee showed me her calendar. Seventy per cent of her time was scheduled for meetings. How can any person or organization be productive if they are sitting in meetings all day? But people need to communicate about their projects, goals, customers, etc.  So the question is, when does it make sense to have a meeting? First, know why and when to call a meeting-What outcomes are you trying to achieve?

When to Have a Meeting

1. To gain buy-in and commitment.
2. To deliver information to several people quickly.
3. To make a time sensitive decision.
4. When several people need the same information at the same time.
5. You've received several calls or emails about the same situation.

When NOT to Have a Meeting

1. Tradition. Your team has always met on this day.
2. There is no particular issue or topic.
3. You already know what to do and you're the decision-maker.
4. The appropriate people are not available to attend.

Use these guidelines reduce the number of meetings and increase your productivity.

Do You Suffer From Verbal Diarrhea?

Situation: Donald was a director-level manager who was getting complaints from his boss that his voice-mails were long-winded and that his rather business-like demeanor was failing to gain buy-in from his staff. One of Donald's biggest problems was that he didn't listen. His conversations were like running monologues and it was difficult for others to break in. His assignments lacked the detailed information required to get the job done. Solution: Through the Exec-U-Lead coaching program, I worked with Donald on developing a concise message. The target was getting Donald to deliver a 30 second voice-mail message, which he nailed. In the next phase, Donald practiced listening and relationship skills by sharing something personal and asking people about themselves. Result: Donald's boss was pleased. He reported that Donald's voice mails were now concise and that his personality was coming through to his staff at meetings. He was listening more and explaining the purpose of team tasks. Donald felt good about being more respected.

Do you know people who talk incessantly? Do they leave long lingering voice mails? They can learn to cut to the chase and listen more effectively.

DiResta Communications, Inc. Communicating With Impact!