Even Michelle Obama Mispronounces This Word

In 2004 I was quoted in the Wall Street Journal about sloppy speech habits in the workplace. It hit a nerve and the reporter, Joann Lublin, wrote a follow up piece. It seems that employers favor good diction in the workplace. In honor of May being Better Speech and Hearing month, I'm posting some one minute videos to address the issue of poor diction. Even well spoken, high profile communicators express the occasional verbal faux pas or mispronunciation. Some of these diction errors are regionalisms;even so, they can undermine the speaker's credibility, executive presence, and leadership.

Stop the Verbal Vomiting

A few weeks ago I was exhibiting at a trade show and experienced a communication pattern which I now realize is not so uncommon. People would walk by the booth and I’d ask a qualifying question. If they answered affirmatively, I’d continue the conversation. One of the quickest ways to learn that someone is not a buyer is to listen to their conversational pattern. They don’t stop talking. These people don’t pick up on subtle cues such as noticing I’m moving away or using an exit line. They get caught up in their own loquaciousness.  I call it verbal vomiting.  According to wikipedia, vomiting  is “the forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s stomach through the mouth." Verbal vomiting is the forceful expulsion of the contents of one’s mind through the mouth and projecting it at whoever has engaged them in discourse. One person approached me at the booth and confided that he had creative ideas but couldn’t express them as message points. He would talk in circles.  I suggested he talk it out with a writer who could interview him and capture his ideas. He loved my suggestion and asked me if I could help. “No, that’s not what I do,” I explained.  “It’s not about the money,” he countered. I told him to look for a writer and that I didn’t know anybody. He continued talking and I realized that much of the time people are just looking for free therapy. Like Joe the bartender, they want someone with whom they can share their story without any real commitment to solving the problem.  I wished him luck and walked to the  other side of the booth.

Sadly, he wasn’t the only case. Another attendee walked by the booth. It was clear in the first five seconds that he was not a prospect. Did he care? Of course, not.  He kept talking. There was no awareness that he was wasting my time or that I was bored to tears. With some people you have to be rude before they get the message.

Verbal vomiting is not limited to trade shows. A couple of years ago, I had hired a woman to do some SEO marketing. When the contract was coming to an end, Kathy (not her real name) phoned me  to renew the agreement. She talked non-stop and never came up for air. There was not even a nano second of a pause where I could interject. I called her name-”Kathy.” No answer. I tried again a little louder, “Kathy!” I screamed into the phone, “Kathy!!!” She never stopped and I don’t think she heard me. Was her phone on mute? Did she think she would sell me if she kept talking? I hung up the phone. I believe Kathy is out of business today.

This communication pattern can also cost you a job offer.  Nervous job candidates rattle on without taking a breath. Silence is frightening so they fill in the gaps with idle chatter. Here’s where many candidates derail. By talking too much they reveal information and can talk themselves into a corner. Incessant chatter conveys nervousness and a lack of preparation. A skilled interviewer will wonder what the applicant may be hiding.

If you still think you haven’t experienced verbal vomiting, then think back to your last networking meeting. We’ve all heard the person who goes on and on until the moderator has to intervene. What people don’t realize is that when it comes to communication, less is more. The listener just can’t absorb all that information. And when you drone on about yourself, you bore the audience and lose the opportunity for a relationship. Communication is not about giving a speech. It’s an exchange of ideas, a dialogue. It’s not about you. It’s about them-the audience. The best defense against this kind of communicator is to have a list of exit lines. “It’s been nice talking to you.”  “I don’t want to monopolize your time.” “I’m going to get a refill.”

Reverse peristalsis is nature’s way of ridding the body of poisons. In communication, verbal vomiting is poisonous to your audience. The antacid is to observe body language, take turns, ask questions and listen. The key to effective communication is to be listener-centered.

Va Bene: What the Italians Taught Me About Public Speaking

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. I just got back from vacation in Northern Italy. In the big cities, a lot of people speak English but in the smaller towns, it helps to speak a few words of Italian. We were in the town of Quinto, a suburb of Vicenza. While we were paying for our food, the cashier asked my husband if he spoke Italian. He shook his head and said, “No parla Italiano.

What Are Your Presentation Disciplines?

My coaching client was practicing his presentation. As he talked about the company process for managing a stock portfolio, he explained their stock picking discipline. Regardless of the portfolio manager’s expertise, it’s required to drop a stock when it dips below a certain level. In other words, they may carry big winners, small winners or small losers, but they don’t tolerate stocks that are big losers. This number or percentage is how they factor out emotions and manage risk. After explaining the stock picking discipline, he looked up and asked me, “What are my presentation disciplines?

What Seasoned Speakers Know That You Don't

National Speakers Association convention is where you'll find the top speakers in the world on the main stage. A number of years ago, I attended a convention. One of the keynote speakers gave an inspiring and tear jerking presentation. He spoke about how he and his wife couldn't have children so they adopted a couple of boys. They were brothers who were not well treated and were put up for adoption. He told the audience about how difficult it was to gain their trust and parent them. He recounted all the troubled times. In the end, the little boys flourished and his wife discovered she was pregnant. The speaker then brought the little boys on stage. To say there wasn't a dry eye in the house is an understatement. The tears were streaming down my face. My friend looked over and said, "Are you all right?" I told him "I can't take it." The entire audience was overwhelmed by emotion. This speaker was able to pierce each person's heart and trigger an emotional reaction. It takes skill to tell a story that has so much emotional impact. This is a good thing, isn't it? Well, maybe. But this speaker did the one thing you should never do from the platform...

On Sunday morning I watched Joel Osteen, the motivational speaker and pastor of Lakewood Church. He too, had an emotional story to tell. It was about a country singer.

At a young age this singer, had strayed from his values and started hanging around with the wrong crowd.  He got involved with alcohol and drugs. His name was on billboards everywhere and Joel's mother would notice the singer's name every time they passed the billboard on the road. Although, she had never met him, she would say a prayer for him. This ritual went on for more than a year. Then one day when the country singer was feeling down on his luck, he wandered into the church where Joel's father was the pastor. An usher recognized him and alerted Joel's mother. She immediately got up and embraced him. She told him about all the times she had prayed for him.

After telling this story, Joel pointed to the country singer who was sitting in the front row. As the camera zoomed in on him, you could see the singer wiping away his tears.   It was an emotional crescendo. The audience burst into applause.  And, at that moment, Joel said, "Aw, he's not that good." The audience broke into laughter.

Joel did something the first speaker forgot to do. The first speaker opened us up, raw with emotion, and left us there. It was like a surgeon opening a wound but forgetting to close it back up.   Joel used humor to break the tension. A seasoned speaker can take you on a roller coaster of emotions. You'll experience the exhilaration of the highs and lows. But they will always bring you back to solid ground. And one of the best ways to do this is through humor.

You may be a good storyteller who can open people to their emotions. But do you finish the job by closing them back up? As a speaker, you have the power of the spoken word. Remember you have the emotions of the audience in your hands. Use your power carefully.

Do Women Need to Speak More Powerfully Than Men?

In honor of Women's History Month, I thought I'd explore this issue of women speaking powerfully.  It's been established that men and women communicate differently.  The question is, do women need to speak more powerfully than men to be heard?  Whether it's a speech, pitching an idea, or a one-on-one meeting, it appears that women need to work harder to have their ideas heard. According to New York Women in Communications, women make up 3% of CEOs and occupy around 16% of board seats at the nation's Fortune 500 companies, and 15.2% of the directors at the largest companies are women.

A female professor at NYU received a request for a testimonial from a former student.  The letter was over the top.  So much so, she had to tone it down so it would sound realistic.  It was no surprise to her that this communication came from a male.  She realized that males tend to exaggerate their abilities, while women downplay their accomplishments and speak with less conviction.

I can corroborate this from my own experience coaching women leaders.  Women have a more difficult time taking a strong position, speaking with authority, and promoting their own ideas.  While coaching one executive woman, it was apparent that her area was the most profitable in the business, but her influence was a well-kept secret.  We immediately got to work increasing her visibility: getting her name in trade publications, networking internally and externally, and booking speaking engagements.

Public speaking levels the playing field for women.

Here are some ways women can speak more powerfully:

• Lower their pitch.
• Put a stake in the ground.
• Use specific, definitive language.
• Negotiate with confidence.
• Work with a coach.

So I ask you, in your experience, do women need to speak more powerfully than men?  Can they best learn to speak powerfully from a male or a female role model?

The Shortest Distance Between Two People Is a Story

Once upon a time...

We all loved those words as children because we knew we were going to hear a story. Last night, I attended an excellent program - Harnessing the Power of Story to Lead Change.

The speaker, Judy Rosemarin, asked the audience "What is your 'humaway' story?" Just like we leave a theater and start humming the theme song, a message tends to stick in the minds of the listeners when we tell stories. The best public speakers are storytellers.

Some speakers are known for their signature stories.  The audience loves to hear the same story over and over because it resonates with them. Stories build trust, create emotional impact, and improve retention. Stories are not just for public speakers but stories serve as a leadership tool. They can help you deliver bad news and lessen the blow.

Judy recounted a situation where a company was going to downsize. The leader began his presentation by telling a story about pruning a tree. Branches needed to be trimmed in order for it to grow. When he finished his story, he transitioned to the pruning of the organization. While people were not happy about the loss in headcount, they understood the big picture.

In networking meetings, people deliver their elevator pitch. This is a statement or a snippet. A more powerful way to introduce your company is with a success story. Stories create a safe haven and create an intimacy. When two people meet they can share themselves through their stories. As Ms. Rosemarin explained, "The shortest distance between two people is a story."

We've Got to Stop Meeting Like This

Most people would agree that meetings are a waste of time. One frustrated employee showed me her calendar. Seventy per cent of her time was scheduled for meetings. How can any person or organization be productive if they are sitting in meetings all day? But people need to communicate about their projects, goals, customers, etc.  So the question is, when does it make sense to have a meeting? First, know why and when to call a meeting-What outcomes are you trying to achieve?

When to Have a Meeting

1. To gain buy-in and commitment.
2. To deliver information to several people quickly.
3. To make a time sensitive decision.
4. When several people need the same information at the same time.
5. You've received several calls or emails about the same situation.

When NOT to Have a Meeting

1. Tradition. Your team has always met on this day.
2. There is no particular issue or topic.
3. You already know what to do and you're the decision-maker.
4. The appropriate people are not available to attend.

Use these guidelines reduce the number of meetings and increase your productivity.

Public Speaking: The Power of 7

I just got back from a networking event.  Networking is a form of public speaking - it's your sales presentation.  If you're like me, you experience the speakers as unclear or they're so long-winded that you tune out.  In business, your elevator speech is the most important presentation.  Speakers who are unclear are leaving money on the table. So I decided to challenge myself to describe what I do in 7 words or less.  There's a magic to the number 7:  Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, The Seven Seals, Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, and Lucky Sevens.

Here's what I came up with: Reduce speaking anxiety and monetize your mouth.

After I sent this out to our listserve, a number of people commented about how much they loved it and how well it describes what I do as an executive speaking strategist.  So, I decided to offer the same challenge to people in my network.  Admittedly, it was difficult.  But I was proud of some of the responses that came in.  Here is a sampling:

• Cut costs without cutting corners. -Yosef Rabinowitz
• I increase people's retirement income 30%. -Ronald Stair
• Helping businesses free up cash and time. -Stacy Luft
• Catalyst for gaining, retaining, reactivating & recovering business.  -Sheila Ziegler
• Engage and cultivate to sell and prosper. -Regina Bonolo
• Expos your business to qualified leads. -Mark Newart
• Help you plan for future financial security. -Jeanne McDonald
• I make real estate dreams come true. -Mona Holzman
• Protecting you and your family's financial future. -Liran Hirschkorn
• Resolving business disputes through artbitration and mediation. -David Abeshouse
• I save businesses money in merchant services. -Michael Bernstein
• Highly experienced, business-savvy, entrepreneurial lawyer. -Craig Delsack
• Protect your special needs child legally and financially. -Marie Cantone
• People Person, Talent Connector, Staffing Administrative Jobs. -Amparo Connors
• I coach men and women through divorce. -Heidi Bernstein-Krantz
• Green solutions for your pest control problems. -Andrew Luxenberg
• Optimize your organization by implementing effective policies. -Sheila Cockburn
• Branding: it's not just for cows anymore. -Regina Finkelstein
• Walk your path pain free, holistic podiatry. -Dr. Sherri Greene

What about you?  What do you do in seven words or less?  Let us know in the comments.