Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking, Part II

Guest blogger Dr. Paul Jenkins works with organizations and individuals to establish and maintain habitual patterns of positive perception and focus that increase happiness, engagement, productivity, profit, and ultimate achievement of professional and personal life missions. Two things create – and cure – anxiety.

The brain and the mind.

In our previous post, Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking, Part I, we addressed the brain component, and how to calm the fight or flight response. The mind, on the other hand, is the ‘you’ inside that does the worrying, fretting, thinking, planning – and succeeding.

The mind is commonly thought of as having two primary parts – the conscious and the subconscious. The conscious is the part you are aware of. The subconscious is where the trouble is because you are not aware of it. The subconscious has a habit of asking, “What If?” The subconscious has a another habit of answering its own questions. The default subconscious answer to the What If question is:

You can’t handle that!

This creates a threat for the limbic system and triggers the fight or flight response.

You can feel the physical onset of anxiety – the fight or flight response – tightness in the chest, harder to breathe, heart pounds, sick feeling. This is caused by the chemical brain response to the subconscious default answer to What If.

Toolbox - Answer The What If Question

1. Bring the What If question to the conscious mind
2. Answer truthfully and intentionally
3. Notice the fearful avoidant response and do it anyway
4. Practice, practice, practice

When you get to the answer that you can handle it, your limbic system calms down and allows you to begin thinking again. The thinker solves the problem. Bring the What If up from the dark basement and solve it in the light.

You don’t have to want what you fear, just to get to the point that you know you could handle it.

The What If question itself strikes fear into the heart of many. A prominent undertaker commonly tells his clients when they are making pre-arranged funeral plans, "Thinking and talking about death won't kill you." In the same sense, taking on the What If question won't cause the feared thing to happen. Avoiding the question seeds more anxiety. Answering it truthfully, consciously, and intentionally frees the subconscious to let go of it.

A client shared this quotation with me:  “Today is the tomorrow that you were afraid of yesterday.”  Here it is, and there you are still handling everything as it comes.  At the root of every fear is the same belief – that I can’t handle it.  Nothing could be farther from the truth – you have already handled absolutely everything so far, and that will not be changing.  Keep moving forward and know that you can handle it!

Remember this – You can handle anything that comes up in your life.

Haven’t you already handled everything so far?

About the Author

Dr. Paul Jenkins works with organizations and individuals to establish and maintain habitual patterns of positive perception and focus that increase happiness, engagement, productivity, profit, and ultimate achievement of professional and personal life missions.

With two decades of experience as a professional psychologist, Dr. Paul (as he is known to clients and his audiences) lays out the how and the why behind the art and science of being constructive in an often destructive environment. It is like having an owner’s manual for your brain – one you can actually read, understand, and apply. You understand your own mind and improve its functioning on purpose.

His deeply thoughtful writing, engaging and fun keynote addresses, powerfully practical breakout seminars, individual and corporate coaching and counseling are profound and simple. His clients, readers, and audiences get an iron grip on powerful Pathological Positivity principles that make an immediate difference in their personal and professional lives.

DrPaulJenkins.com

Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking, Part I

Guest blogger Dr. Paul Jenkins works with organizations and individuals to establish and maintain habitual patterns of positive perception and focus that increase happiness, engagement, productivity, profit, and ultimate achievement of professional and personal life missions.

What is your greatest barrier to success, joy, great relationships?

Fear and anxiety.

Would you like to end the fear, anxiety and worry that interferes with your relationships and get in the way of your success and joy?

Two things create – and cure – anxiety.

The brain and the mind.

When you understand the interplay between the brain and the mind, then you are in a perfect position to understand the secret to overcoming fear, anxiety, and worry.

Your brain is not your mind any more than your liver is your mind. Your brain is a part of your body. It is a specialized group of cells that performs a specific function. Your brain is an organ in your body – your mind does the thinking. The answer to your anxiety is understanding what the brain is doing, and steering your mind a different direction.

Understanding and applying a few basic principles in both of these areas makes an

immediate and lasting difference in my clients breaking free from anxiety and moving forward with power in their lives. The short version: Get the brain to calm down and get the mind to come up with new answers.

The brain is designed to respond to threat in a predictable way. Part of its job is to keep you safe and alive. Because of this important job, the brain kicks into what we collectively refer to as the fight or flight response any time a threat is detected. This is true for both real and perceived threats. Chemicals are released into the blood stream which quicken the heart, speed up the breathing, and empower muscles to react with more power and speed. There is also a shut-down of higher cognitive functioning. Contemplating philosophy does not serve you well during an attack from a ferocious lion.

Taming the fight or flight response starts with switching the brain back to thinking mode. Can you imagine installing a switch in your brain that shuts down the fight or flight response and turns the thinking back on?

Breathing exercises provide a switch in your brain. The fight or flight response causes alterations to your breathing (it gets rapid and shallow). By taking intentional control over this typically automatic process, you can directly affect the fight or flight response at a brain level.

Toolbox - Conscious and Focused Breathing - Practice Protocol

1. Choose a time and place where you can be undisturbed for 5-10 minutes.
2. Assume a comfortable sitting or lying position.
3. Breathe in through your nose, making it a point to gently stretch your lungs.
4. Hold for 10 to 15 seconds – feel the stretch.
5. Slowly exhale through your mouth. Blow like you are blowing out birthday candles. Restrict the flow somewhat. Push it out. It should take you about twice as long to exhale as it took to inhale. Normally when you exhale, you leave some air in your lungs; try to push it all out.
6. Repeat steps three through five.
7. Notice the feeling of calm relaxation you feel as you complete the exercise. This is your brain switching from fight/flight to rational/think mode.

Do this practice exercise for 3-5 repetitions, 3 times a day, for 5 days.

As you get better at it, a simpler form of this technique can be used in the moment when anxiety attacks. One intentional breath makes a big difference. This effectively calms the brain's fight or flight response.

Stay tuned  for Part II of Dr. Paul Jenkins' guest blog post, Overcoming Fear of Public Speaking.

About the Author

Dr. Paul Jenkins works with organizations and individuals to establish and maintain habitual patterns of positive perception and focus that increase happiness, engagement, productivity, profit, and ultimate achievement of professional and personal life missions.

With two decades of experience as a professional psychologist, Dr. Paul (as he is known to clients and his audiences) lays out the how and the why behind the art and science of being constructive in an often destructive environment. It is like having an owner’s manual for your brain – one you can actually read, understand, and apply. You understand your own mind and improve its functioning on purpose.

His deeply thoughtful writing, engaging and fun keynote addresses, powerfully practical breakout seminars, individual and corporate coaching and counseling are profound and simple. His clients, readers, and audiences get an iron grip on powerful Pathological Positivity principles that make an immediate difference in their personal and professional lives.

DrPaulJenkins.com

The Essence of Executive Presence

Executive Presence is difficult to describe, but you know when you have it. And so it goes in the workplace. Clients call me to work on a leader’s “executive presence.” They’ll say the leader needs “polishing” or “gravitas,” but they can’t be specific.

What is clear is that the coaching candidate is stuck at a level. Without the ability to convey executive presence, they lose credibility and don’t advance further.

The myth is that executive presence is about dressing well. Attire is a visual shorthand. At first glance, your audience or stakeholders will determine if you’re a leader by the way you’re dressed. That’s part of it, but it’s only one piece of the puzzle. Have you ever known someone who looks like a million dollars until they opened their mouth?

Take the case of Deborah (not her real name). When I first met her, she looked like Ms. Dress for Success; however, when she presented at meetings she lost credibility with senior management. Deborah hedged, sounded hesitant and wouldn’t put a stake in the ground. Her boss couldn’t promote her to Vice-President and asked me to coach her.

What does this have to do with speaking? The answer is Confidence.

The presenter’s job is to inspire the audience's confidence that he/she is an expert (or at least qualified to speak on the subject). A speaker must have presence on the platform. Deborah discovered that leaders align visual, vocal, and verbal communication to influence. If one of these areas goes out of sync, the message is altered. Deborah learned to convey executive presence and was promoted to Vice-President.

So what exactly is executive presence? It's the missing link between merit and success. The chart above breaks down the aspects of “gravitas” so you’ll no longer say “I’ll know it when I see it.” You’ll be able to recognize and convey executive presence by knowing the components. Whether your platform is a stage or a meeting room, the boardroom or the back room, you’ll be able to assess yourself and project confidence.

You Talk Too Much: 4 Ways to Get Boring People to Stop Talking

We've all experienced it. You're at a networking meeting or a social event and there's that person who dominates the conversation and can't stop talking. You wish they would direct the conversation toward you but it's like a traffic jam of words. How do you get them to stop? Their verbal barrage is a red light signalling you to stop and listen. If only they would give you the green light by taking a breath. You patiently wait but your turn never comes. It's one thing to give a speech from the platform. But conversations should be a dialogue. A person who dominates the conversation soon becomes a bore.

What gives? Is it nervousness? Sometimes excessive talking can be a symptom of nervousness. For some people, verbal diarrhea stems from a lack of social skills. They just don't know how to stop and they don't pick up on non-verbal cues. As long as you maintain eye contact, they keep talking. To get them to stop, try these three techniques:

Ask a question of someone else. Bring someone into the conversation by asking their opinion of the topic that's being discussed as a monologue. This will stop the speaker because you have just disrupted the pattern of them speaking and you listening.

Use a bridge statement. If you're in a one-to-one situation, use a statement to turn the conversation back to you. "That's an interesting point and it reminds me of when I..." "Your business is interesting and I've experienced a similar situation..." Have these bridge statements handy so that you can use them effortlessly.

Be direct. Take control and ask, "Would you like to hear about what I do?" If they don't seem interested, use technique number four.

Disengage. When you've tried to replace a monologue with a dialogue, but nothing is working, end the conversation. "It's been nice chatting. I'm going to get a refill."  "My friend just walked in. It was nice to talk to you."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kCFQbA7mc7k

5 Presentation Mistakes When Pitching for Business

Speaking is the new competitive advantage. What makes your product or service stand out in a sea of commodities is your presentation. Don't lose out because of these presentation mistakes:

1. Rambling Elevator Speech. If you can't say what you do, for whom, and how they benefit in one minute, your message is too long. The buyer doesn't want to listen to a story. Once your listeners tune out (and they will), you will lose the opportunity to close the sale. The key to a good elevator pitch is focus.
2. Thick PowerPoint Deck. Unless you're writing legislation, your PowerPoint deck should take 15 minutes to deliver. The reason it takes longer is that there are too many pages and you're probably reading the slides. Summarize what's on the slide and tell the story behind the numbers. You'll fail to win business if all you do is read a list of numbers on a page.
3. Failure to Listen. More than anything else, listening is the key to winning business. You learn the customer's needs by listening. You develop relationships and show you care by listening. Listening helps you to ask the right questions. Too many people try to pitch rather than question and listen. Use the 70/30 rule. 70% of the time the customer is speaking and 30% of the time you're speaking.
4. Speaker-Centered.Being speaker-centered is related to the failure to listen and this presentation approach happens before you meet the buyer. Too many pitches and presentations are organized from the speaker's point of view. Nobody cares about your product or service. They care about their own self interests. So create a listener-centered presentation that leads with what the buyer cares about and how your solutions will solve their problem. Talk benefits, not features.
5. Lack of Confidence. A great pitch deck with amazing visuals won't win the sale if you don't speak with conviction, enthusiasm and confidence. When you walk into the meeting do you own the room? Are you confident enough to go where the buyer wants to go or do you rigidly stick to the script? Research demonstrates that confidence trumps competence. Prepare and practice. Acknowledge your expertise, breathe, relax, and relate. Remember, the first sale is to yourself.

7 Platform Tips to Punch Up Your Performance

Performing is not about juggling balls in the air or acting on the big stage. Every presentation you give is a performance - even a meeting update! Whether your platform is a convention hall, a boardroom, or the kitchen table, good presentation skills can determine the quality of your performance and result in a successful outcome. Here are 7 platform tips to punch up your performance: Pause strategically. The first pause you take is when you walk on the platform. Look at two people and silently connect. Allow for the silence and then make your opening remarks. Come to a full stop at the end of a sentence. Count 2 beats to yourself before moving on. For greater impact and to evoke emotions, hold the pause even longer. Pause to signal that a point is significant. If you fail to pause, your message will sound like one run-on sentence and the message won't land. Speed talking translates as nervousness. Remember: power is never rushed.

Engage the group. Are you a talking head? Most audiences don't like to be lectured. Savvy public speakers employ engagement techniques to draw attention and maintain interest. You can ask rhetorical questions, flash a photograph on the screen, tell a story, share a case study, create a discussion, or use polling software. Try getting the audience on their feet. Whatever technique you choose, be sure the audience is involved in your message.

Rehearse in the room. The best public speakers rehearse out loud and time themselves. But there is something about practicing in the actual meeting room that makes a difference. I can't tell you why this works. I do know that every time I practice my speech or presentation in an empty room, I always feel more confident.

Find a friendly face. Maybe it's the person who is smiling. Make an eye connection and deliver your opening line to that one person. Don't try to convert the scowling face. That will shatter your confidence. Look at the receptive person and then move on to someone else. Keep looking at friendly faces.

Offer a challenge. Audiences have come to expect to be spoon fed. They lean back in their chairs and wait for you to enlighten them. It's easy for them to expect the presenter to do all the work. After all, you're the expert. You can turn the tables on them and challenge them. Begin your presentation with a challenge to shake them up. And end with a call to action and challenge them to keep their commitment.

Remember the rule of three. A well known principle of effective public speaking is the use of repetition. Martin Luther King used repetition in his I Have a Dream Speech. The speech originally had a different title but because he said "I have a dream" repetitively, it became known by that refrain. The advertising world employs repetition using the rule of three in commercials and jingles. Think of fairy tales - Three Little Pigs, nursery rhymes - Three Blind Mice, and  movie titles - Three Men and a Baby. Craft your message with three agenda items, 3 main points, and three benefits, and you'll be clear and memorable.

Mirror the audience. Have you ever hit it off with somebody right away? They were probably just like you. It's the same with audiences. So how can you increase your likability? Mirror them. Notice their body position. How is their energy? Is it fast or slow? What kinds of words or expressions do they use? In one-to-one communication, mirroring is much easier but you can also mirror a large audience. If they are an extroverted sales team, you'll want to raise your energy and volume. If they're more scientific you'll want to tone it down and provide more data.

I recently trained a group of economists in the U.K. and I was in full presentation mode, as I projected my voice and increased my energy. This group was more soft-spoken. During a break, the leader explained that the energy level was quieter in this U.K. company. "So I would be considered loud?" I asked. "Yes!" he answered. What a surprise! In the U.S. I'm considered more soft spoken than some of my peers. I returned to the meeting and toned it down. The meeting was a success.

To punch up your presentations remember to P.E.R.F.O.R.M.

National Speakers Association Gets a New Name.

I just returned from the NSA National convention, Perform 2014. It was amazing as always. But this year was different from any other. It was decided that we needed to rebrand to keep up with the changes in the speaking industry. So NSA has a brand new name! Welcome to Platform. Professional speaking is no longer just about giving a keynote from the stage. Speakers show up on many platforms: the main stage, small group seminars, webinars, podcasts, youtube videos, TV interviews, live streaming, and other forms of content. It's all about content on as many platforms as possible.

What do you think of the new name? Is it time for you to rebrand? Watch this video by branding expert Bruce Turkell to learn more.  I'd love to hear your comments.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eyfmMFI1u0U

The Hidden Message In Policy

I had a run-in today with Microsoft. My laptop needed an update to Windows 8. I put in my credit card for the download and an email arrived saying that it would take 4-6 hours to process the transaction. WHAT?! #%@$^%!

My assistant is leaving early, and I'm in and out seeing clients all day. It's Friday, and I need this done before the weekend. Every single time I've made an online purchase, downloads have always been immediate. Something was not right. I called up Microsoft, and they told me it was a problem with the credit card I used - it was that company's policy. He said it took time for the funds to be released. I asked him if I would have the delay with another credit card and he said, "No."

While speaking to the credit card company, they blamed Microsoft. They said that they got notification of the transaction and approved it.

So, I called Microsoft back and got a different support person. He said the delay was the result of the credit card company's policy. I asked him to cancel my order so I could use a different card. After telling him the original credit card company had approved the transaction, he no longer wanted to take a new one. He told me he would work on this himself, but that it would take an hour or two.

The Microsoft representative listened to my tirade about how he should tell marketing and the CEO to alert customers about the delay with this particular credit card. He must have been working while we were on the phone, because by the end of the conversation, my download became available.

So what is the lesson here?

Policy is a form of communication. Policy communicates how you treat your customers, how you treat your support staff, and what you value. Policy demonstrates whether a company is truly connected and engaged with their customers, or whether their decisions are made in ivory towers.

The policies that you set impact perception - are you cutting edge or are you behind the times? When the standard in e-commerce is instantaneous transaction and download, to have to wait 4-6 hours as a matter of course, creates the perception of a dinosaur. A policy communicates who you are really serving. In this case, it was not the customer.

It's Risky to Play It Safe Even With Public Speaking

"The title seems so opposite to your sweet, demure image..." This was the email from someone in my networking group after reading the title of my new ebook, Give Fear the Finger: How to Knock Out Fear of Public Speaking. Of course, the title is so NOT me. There was a moment when I considered changing it. It's edgy and has a real New York energy. That's probably why so many of my New York City friends loved the title. But what about others? I took a risk and the feedback is overwhelmingly positive. People from all over love the title!

It made me realize that playing it safe can cause us to stagnate even as public speakers. How many of you are giving the same tired speech? What are the risks you're afraid of taking? When you're introduced, do you hand over a boring bio or do you write your own ingenious introduction?

Do you default to being in control as the speaker or do you let go and engage the audience? It can be risky to open up a dialogue but the rich conversational nuggets can have a rewarding outcome.

Are you sentenced to speak to internal company groups or are you ready to take your show on the road?

What about your delivery? Are you wedded to your script or do you engage in repartee with the listeners? Are you willing to wade into the unknown waters of spontaneous humor and playing in the moment?

Does PowerPoint lead you by the nose or can you tell the story without a slide?

Finally, are you concerned about being perfect or can you risk being real? Telling your story can be one of the scariest experiences for a speaker. But here's the truth: People are swayed by emotion. They relate to people who are like them. They trust people who are honest enough to be vulnerable.

So if you're playing it safe and doing what you've always done, you're on shaky ground.

It's risky to play it safe. Even as a public speaker.

Tell me about the risks you've seen speakers take and how it impacted the audience.

Presenting Your Message to the C-Suite

How often have you seen a talented expert with good presentation skills, derail when they spoke to the C-Suite? My clients have complained about this issue. Their direct reports lose credibility with senior management and don't sell their ideas. They then become dependent on the manager to give the high level presentations. It's no different with consultants and vendors. They get to the C-Suite and lose an opportunity because they don't know how to adjust their presentation.

So, I went directly to the C-Suite and asked them what presenters should know when selling to the C-Suite....

Give Fear the Finger-In Search of the Confidence Spot

FEAR means False Evidence Appearing Real. I once said that to a group of people and a man in the audience retorted, "That's your definition? My definition is 'Forget everything and run!'" (That's the clean version. He actually used another F word). But isn't it true? We abandon our rational mind and allow the amygdala or reptile brain to take over. This is the place where fear resides. Our eyes first scan for threat. For many public speakers, an audience of strangers is threatening. And that puts them in a state of fear. I discovered that nervous public speakers live in the future of wild imaginings. They focus on what could go wrong. "I hope  I don't trip." "What if I lose my train-of-thought?"

Confident public speakers live in the present. They focus on the message and engage the audience. They know how to access their pre-frontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for rational thinking.

Research shows that CONFIDENCE TRUMPS COMPETENCE. This explains why the confident person who knows less than you, gets promoted. Yes, confidence accounts for more success than knowledge or skills. Many years ago I was bilked out of $30,000 dollars from my bank account. (This was before online banking). Using a fake check, the perpetrator approached the teller in every branch and cashed the check made out to his name. When the detective questioned the bank tellers, they remembered him as "very smooth, confident." Luckily, the bank replaced my funds but we never found the culprit. He may not have been on a stage, but his platform was a teller's window. He inspired trust with his confidence.

The  meaning of the word confidence comes from "con" meaning "from" and "fidere" meaning "to trust." It seems that confidence comes from trusting yourself and trusting others. A confident public speaker has a sense of trust-in the message, the audience and oneself.

How do you gain trust if you approach the platform and feel fear? You give fear the finger. But not in the way you think!

My new ebook will show you a way to short circuit anxiety by activating a special spot that few people know. Give Fear the Finger is filled with exercises, tips and techniques to move you from fear of public speaking to confidence on any platform.

Avoiding public speaking is career suicide. You no longer have to submit to fear. Confidence is closer than you think. It's right there in your hands. And it's available now. You can be confident and take center stage in your career and your life.

The Power of Hand-to-Hand Contact

What is the equal opportunity communication that favors no gender? In every presentation skills seminar and in each initial executive speech coaching session, I spend time demonstrating the business handshake. Why discuss something so basic that we do every day? Because business can be lost due to an ineffective handshake. Just like two dogs sniffing each other, a handshake is the first point of contact. And many people don't realize the handshake is a presentation. To learn how to shake hands  and use gestures for  maximum impact, watch this TEDx video by Allan Pease.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZZ7k8cMA-4

Don't Dictate - Facilitate: 10 Tips for Effective Facilitation

  With 11 million meetings daily (3 billion yearly), it's not surprising that people feel they attend too many meetings. And most of them are unproductive. That equates to 31 hours of lost productivity per month or four days. The starting point for improving meeting effectiveness begins with the facilitator.

Here are 10 facilitation tips to make you a better facilitator:

Clear Purpose. Facilitation begins before the meeting. Determine the reason for the meeting. Is it to solve a problem, develop innovative ideas, select a theme for an event? Begin with the end in mind. Without a clear purpose, your meeting will go nowhere.

Start on Time. Don't wait for latecomers. You'll set a negative precedent and you'll end late. To get people be on time, try starting the meeting at an odd time like 8:57 a.m. People will notice the odd time and know you mean business.

Encourage Creative Thinking. The facilitator needs to create a safe space to share ideas. Don't evaluate or reject contributions. Allow for off-the-wall thinking without judgment. The best solutions are not always the tried and true.

Clarify, Paraphrase and Probe. These powerful listening skills are essential tools for any facilitator. Clarify by saying, "Tell me more." "Can you be specific?" We may think we're talking about the same thing when we say the word, CAR. But you're seeing a Volvo and someone else is seeing a Bentley. Paraphrase before responding. This is a listening check as well as an acknowledgement that the person was heard. Finally, probing is a skill that allows the facilitator to dig deeper and get to the underlying issue.

Summarize Main Points. Too many meetings and presentations end without a conclusion.  Effective facilitators provide internal summaries before moving on to the next agenda item and at the end of the meeting. Internal summaries can be a check for resistance. Make sure the group understands and is aligned before moving on. The job of a facilitator is to connect the dots.

Use a Flipchart and Post it Notes. A flipchart or whiteboard is a facilitator's best resource. The flipchart allows you to capture information in the moment. It's also a way of controlling the group dynamic. When the discussion is disrupted, ask people to write questions on the post it notes and put them on the parking lot (flipchart). Later, the facilitator can answer them.

Remain Objective. Never drive your own agenda.The role of the facilitator is to access information from the group and to remain neutral.

Keep Moving in the Direction of the Problem.  Write the problem statement for all to see. When the problem is clear, you'll be able to direct the discussion in the right direction while still being impartial.This prevents the group from losing focus.

Control the Discussion. A facilitator is the orchestra leader and the participants are the musicians. Questions are the baton. Just like the conductor knows how to bring up the string section and lower the brass, a skilled facilitator uses questions to guide and direct the discussion.

Keep a List of Action Items. Without action items, things will fall through the cracks. A good facilitator will assign attendees a role, a responsibility, and a deadline. To ensure accountability, it's wise for the facilitator to follow up before the next meeting.

Good facilitation skills will increase meeting productivity, lead to more creative solutions, and are essential for managing group dynamics. The facilitator as leader must remember to check the ego at the door. When it comes to facilitation, it's not about you. It's about them!

What has worked for you as a facilitator? What are your biggest challenges?

Speak at Your Own Risk: When Public Speaking is a Lost Opportunity

Speaking is the new competitive advantage. At least that's what I told my audiences until last week. I was excited to attend a wellness conference during the weekend in New York City. The keynote speaker was a celebrity I admired. But what was more exciting were the topics. Most of the speakers were doctors, dentists, and health professionals. The presenters spoke for 20 minutes as in a TED talk format and the presentations continued non-stop throughout the day.

Some of the research was cutting edge and I was eager to learn from the presenters. My enthusiasm quickly turned to boredom after sitting through the first few presentations. Clearly, the presenters were subject matter experts with impressive credentials. But they quickly sacrificed their credibility when they stepped up to the platform. What a lost opportunity! Here are three mistakes that were consistent among the speakers.

1. Using the Microphone Ineffectively

Almost every speaker held the microphone at chest level or too far away from their mouth. When the audience can't hear, they tune out. It also makes the subject matter expert look like an amateur. A microphone should be held no further than four inches below the mouth. My recommendation to the event planner was to provide an attached microphone or require a rehearsal with the hand held mic.

2. Being Speaker-Centered

This is all too common in business. I've experienced it in every kind of speaking situation including sales presentations. There was one woman in particular who spent most of the time telling her story. Not only was it too long; it was all about me, myself, and I. Here's the 411 on the audience. They don't care about you! They're interested in what you and your information can do for them. Yes, tell your story. We want to know you on a personal level. But keep it brief and move on to provide value.

It's not difficult to be listener-centered. I've demonstrated in one minute or less how to take any subject and create a listener-centered opening that speaks to the listener's self interest. It's not about you. It's about them! Chapter 7 in Knockout Presentations reveals the process of Listener-Centered Communication. It's powerful.

3. Bad Timing

Both the presenter and the coordinator are culpable when time commitments are not kept. The reason speakers run out of time is a) they have too much material b) they didn't rehearse out loud. One speaker was telling an interesting story and realized she had two minutes left. She stopped in the middle of the story and quickly flipped through to the end of the PowerPoint slides. The presentation lost impact. And this was a subject I really wanted to hear. At this point, my friend leaned over and whispered, "Diane, this is a real opportunity for you." (Not a good sign).

Were there other mistakes? Yes. But these were the most common errors. Were there any good presenters? Yes. I can think of two, maybe three. The celebrity keynote was excellent. It was obvious that she had a lot of public speaking experience. What is the lesson here? Poor presentation skills do not motivate an audience to action. I didn't approach any of the speakers after hearing them present on stage.

There was a silver lining, though. I won the grand prize - a Vitamix blender! So all was not lost - except the opportunity for the presenters to build their brand and increase their business.

Press Release: Diane DiResta Invited to Share Powerful Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict on Anger 911

For immediate release

DiResta Invited to Share Powerful Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict

Diane DiResta, Founder of DiResta Communications, Inc, will be the guest on Anger 911 Radio to share "Powerful Communication Strategies to Reduce Anger and Conflict". Tune in on Wednesday, April 2^nd at 9:00 a.m. EST. Visit www.Anger911.net and click on the purple mic. Anger 911 is syndicated on ClearChannel iHeart Radio - 50 million listeners! Read more ...

Even Celebrities Screw Up Their Presentations

Most public speakers fear that they will bomb when delivering their presentations. That same performance anxiety affects actors and musicians - even seasoned celebrities. Murphy's Law applies to the best of us. It's inevitable that at some point, something will go wrong with your presentation performance. So how do you recover? A few nights ago in Toronto, Billy Joel forgot some lyrics. Watch how he recovers on stage:

Those of us who are not celebrities can learn a thing or two from those who are. We can't all be as direct in our response as Billy Joel was, but we can develop some recovery strategies. Here's a quick tip on how you can plan for that moment when Murphy's Law finds you making a mistake on the platform:

You don't have to be a perfect public speaker. Confidence is about how your recover from a public speaking faux pas. Plan your recovery strategy, implement it with grace, and carry on. Your audience will like you Just the Way You Are.

How have you recovered from a speaking blooper?

The Laughter of Leadership

We've heard about managing by walking around. We've heard about leading by storytelling. But can you laugh your way to leadership? It turns out that laughter is an important leadership and presentation skill. But when it comes to humor in the workplace men are more skilled than women.

Judith Baxter, professor of applied linguistics at Aston University in the U.K, studied how men and women use language. She observed men and women who were leading high level meetings. Baxter found women to be less at ease using humor. 80% failed when attempting to be humorous and sometimes derailed as a result. In contrast, Professor Baxter observed that 90% of men's humor got a laugh. This reminds me of the numerous times women have told me that their ideas aren't taken seriously. Yet, when a man presents the same idea minutes later, it's enthusiastically embraced.

Are men naturally funnier than women? Baxter didn't answer that question, postulating instead, that culture plays a role. We expect men to be funny but don't have the same expectation of women. Teasing and one-upmanship resulted in laughter from men, but it was risky for women to use the same tactics. When I speak to women leaders, it's been my experience that women don't take enough credit for their accomplishments and speak in more self deprecating terms. Motivational speaker Tony Robbins contrasted the male one-upmanship communication style with the female pattern, which he dubbed 'one-downmanship'.

In addition to cultural expectations, Baxter cited minority status as another reason for this difference in effective use of humor. She observed an 80/20 male-to-female ratio in the meetings she attended. Being in the minority made some women defensive and less relaxed. An interesting turn of events occurred in meetings with middle managers. When the meetings were more gender balanced or contained more women, the women got more laughs.

So could lack of female confidence once again be at the core of this gender difference in humor? Is this one of the reasons women get stuck in middle management? Is humor the missing key to leadership advancement? Speaking may be the new competitive advantage but humor may be the leadership edge.

What's been your experience? Should women leaders study stand-up comedy?

Speaking to Senior Management: Don't Make These Mistakes

Do you freeze up when you have to speak to senior management? Do you wonder how you can gain their attention and establish your credibility? Well, here's advice direct from the C-Suite. Jeff Hayzlett, author of Running the Gauntlet and producer of C-Suite, the best selling Bloomberg television show, was the keynote speaker at the New York chapter of National Speakers Association. As the former Chief Marketing Officer of Kodak, he knows what's important to C- level executives.

From my experience as an executive speech coach, I know first hand that clients freeze up when they present to senior management. Whether you're speaking to the C-suite or speaking to the board of directors, it's important to adjust the presentation to the needs and style of these kinds of audiences.

Hear what Jeff has to say about speaking to senior management in this brief video interview:

How to Make Your Audience Fall in Love With You

It's Valentine's Day and people are   sharing the love. But how do you make sure Cupid's arrow hits the hearts of your audience? How do some public speakers create a love fest while others fail to seduce the crowd? Here are some tips to grab audience attention and have them wanting more.

1.  Warm Up Just like the art of seduction, a good public speaker greets the audience before speaking, sets the stage, and makes them feel comfortable. Smile and be friendly. It's about creating rapport.
2. Start with a Hook. Too many presentations begin with "Today I want to talk to you about...That's an invitation to check email. Begin with a startling statistic, a quote, or a benefit to the listener. Ask yourself, "What are three benefits to this audience?" Identify the number one benefit to them and that's your hook.
3. Make It About Them-Most presenters are speaker-centered, not listener-centered. Appeal to the self interests of the audience and they'll listen.This involves pacing the group and speaking their language.There is an energy and rhythm to an audience.If they're quiet and reserved come to them slowly and quietly. If it's an energetic, expressive group, match their explosive energy.Give them real value and use examples to show you understand their world. People like people who are like them.
4. Find the Funny-People love to laugh. An audience will often give higher marks to funny speakers so build in humor. You fall in love because of how the person makes you feel. It's the same with public speaking. An audience wants to be entertained.
5. Engage-Nobody likes listening to a talking head. Imagine a date where a person talks at you and never asks about you..Adult audiences want to be participants. Engage the audience with questions, polls, exercises, discussions, and stories. Nothing connects better than a story. When you tell your story,the audience will connect to you.
6. Build Anticipation-To keep an audience with you, use the technique of salting.Introduce an idea but don't give them the answer.During a media interview, a guest told the TV host that there were three critical communication skills. He said, "You've used one of them." He then continued talking. The host interrupted and said, "What was it?"  Like a good tease, let the audience know you'll tell them by the end of the presentation.They'll be sitting on the edge of their seats. And that's how you keep them in the palm of your hand.